People always say that you spend the best four years of your life at college. Well, they’re right. MTC has been an incredibly memorable experience, as I’m sure the first two years of teaching always are, but I can’t say it’s been the best time of my life. I can say it has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It’s been a time when all your weaknesses and faults are exposed and are exaggerated. Your life rarely goes outside of teaching, planning, or grading, as is evident by the constant vis-à-vis marker remnants on fingers and how conversations too often revolve around what James did or what the principal didn’t do or what Rachel said. You have to give up a part of yourself, your interests, your time...
I came into MTC completely naïve. Although I was supposedly a “Ford Fellow” at Millsaps, meaning it’s sort of student teaching with a research component, I really had no previous experiences to prepare me for teaching. I had very little experience teaching in front of a large group, and no experience being the one completely responsible for choosing, planning, and creating a lesson. I remember actually being scared during the student teaching at Oxford Middle School, during peer teaching, and the first weeks at HCHS. I remember Ruth, Lee, and I just dipping our feet into the wide pool of teaching during student teaching. We didn’t know what we were doing; we were just pretending, and I don’t think we really did that great of a job at that. Yet now, seeing Lee make his final presentation (much louder and with a lot more confidence), I see how far many of us have come. (I wish I could have gotten there, too.)
Listening to Anderson’s presentation, I think we spend our first year(s) of teaching trying on different teaching personas. We all have our favorite teachers, and we try to be like them because it worked for them. Yes, some things about teaching are universal. You have to be consistent, firm, approachable, organized, observant, all-knowing… yet we have to find out our own way of teaching. I’ve done just this changing room of personalities, and, unfortunately, I have done it both years, perhaps because what worked last year didn’t work this year, or what I tried differently didn’t work, either. It worked during student-teaching last summer at Holly Springs, but that was a different case all together. (Holly Springs students are not HCHS geometry students.)
I’ve been coining too many phrases, but it’s true that you’ve gotta learn the hard way. I’m still learning. I’ll never stop, I know that, but right now if I keep going the way I am going, well, let’s just say I wouldn’t last another year where I’m at. I wear myself out, I plan too much, I yell too often. Somewhere I’ve missed out on making that connection with my students. I haven’t been myself around them, I haven’t learned how to react the right way to them to show I am in control but I care about them. I won’t bore you with complaining, but I am disappointed that I have not “grown” more than I have. I am not used to failure, and I do feel I have failed myself. I say that I want to stay one more year to leave feeling satisfied, that I’ve won, but I am currently having second thoughts of remaining.
On a completely different note, one of the blessings and burdens of MTC are the classes. Yes, we all hate having any extra work beyond what we already have to do for the classes we teach, and having to drive 3+ hours to Oxford, but at the same time it was wonderful coming back on those weekends to see familiar and similarly weary looking faces. I have a hard time giving myself a break, and I actually let myself on those Fridays and Saturdays. It was relaxing to be sitting as a student than standing in the front as a teacher. It was also refreshing to hear what my peers were doing in their respective schools, what was working and what wasn’t working, to know we were all just barely getting by together. I enjoyed some classes, learned little in others, but it was nice all the same, to me, by all of us just being there together, every time.
MTC tried to get us ready as teachers, and was somewhat successful. Nothing could completely prepare you for teaching. I believe that MTC is heading the right direction by having new teachers teach summer school all summer- get them in the classrooms, get them teaching, trying new ideas, managing people, planning, grading… all the parts of teaching that make it both strenuous and rewarding.
I certainly don’t regret becoming a part of this program. I regret not taking the time my summer between my first and second years to reevaluate myself and prepare better. I regret not using my strengths and doing what I know is right and must be done to grow more. I regret not becoming the teacher that others think I have become. Wherever I teach next year, (which I am still thinking my current school), I know I will do better, for my students, but also selfishly, for me.
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Friday, January 12, 2007
A game of Skip-Bo
Today was "Report Card Pick-Up/Parent-Teacher Conference" Day. And my, it was the best one yet.
I usually spend my time on these days cleaning, trying to get ahead, trying to catch up, putting away old worksheets from the last nine weeks (filed away somewhere that I won't be able to find later when I need them), organizing what-not, putting up posters, etc. I did do a bit of that (my metal cabinet rocks!) yet I actually let myself take a break, thanks to a Spanish teacher across the way who asked me to play Skip-Bo. So that's what we did...me and her and Mr. H. and Coach B. and Ms. H. We had the perfect table- a teacher's desk. Coach B. would laugh and laugh about anything and Ms. H. would make funny comments and try to continuously draw after she had already started her turn. Numerous teachers walked by saying, "Y'all are having a party in here," with jealousy in their voice. Coach J. came in later, only making it that much more competitive. Such a range of personalities, so freaking hilarious. Students walked by and came in "to speak" and I could tell they thought it was a little funny that all of us were playing cards with such enthusiasm. Later on in the day, we even got Ms. R. to play, who is known by her students for being strict and having little personality. But we have learned that it is only an act, and deep down she'd been wanting to play with us all day. She got caught by another veteran teacher, who saw her and exclaimed, "They got you too! I've got to take a picture of this!" I did feel like I was going to get in trouble all day.
That's the best thing about this year. I really feel like I have developed a camaraderie among many of the teachers. They are all competent, caring people, some perhaps better trained to teach their areas, some better with classroom management, others who are really meant to only be coaches and not teachers, but in some capacity or another they really do care about what matters the most- the students. We all, together, get tired of the same things that go wrong every day, every week, every year. We talk about the crazy decisions that are made, about the the corruptness, the disorganization, the students getting away with murder. And somehow, like anything in life, it makes it better to know you're not in it alone.
I haven't decided where I'll be next year. I have known I will be teaching next year, but I have changed my mind back and forth between Indiana and Mississippi...and now whether to stay put or change schools here. After today, I'd say I can handle one more year. For some reason this evening I feel empowered...I want to put new labels on the teachers' boxes so we can actually use them again, help do scheduling over the summer, demand that I teach classes I actually want to teach, find computers so that all teachers can have one in their classroom...I know this feeling will pass as I get bogged down with my own work, but I know what others know now. Our school has the potential to be so much better than it is. The problems start at the top in central office, and they snowball all the way down. It helps to communicate with each other, and it helps me to hear how others handle it. It is through the relationships I have made that I believe I have and will become a better teacher.
I usually spend my time on these days cleaning, trying to get ahead, trying to catch up, putting away old worksheets from the last nine weeks (filed away somewhere that I won't be able to find later when I need them), organizing what-not, putting up posters, etc. I did do a bit of that (my metal cabinet rocks!) yet I actually let myself take a break, thanks to a Spanish teacher across the way who asked me to play Skip-Bo. So that's what we did...me and her and Mr. H. and Coach B. and Ms. H. We had the perfect table- a teacher's desk. Coach B. would laugh and laugh about anything and Ms. H. would make funny comments and try to continuously draw after she had already started her turn. Numerous teachers walked by saying, "Y'all are having a party in here," with jealousy in their voice. Coach J. came in later, only making it that much more competitive. Such a range of personalities, so freaking hilarious. Students walked by and came in "to speak" and I could tell they thought it was a little funny that all of us were playing cards with such enthusiasm. Later on in the day, we even got Ms. R. to play, who is known by her students for being strict and having little personality. But we have learned that it is only an act, and deep down she'd been wanting to play with us all day. She got caught by another veteran teacher, who saw her and exclaimed, "They got you too! I've got to take a picture of this!" I did feel like I was going to get in trouble all day.
That's the best thing about this year. I really feel like I have developed a camaraderie among many of the teachers. They are all competent, caring people, some perhaps better trained to teach their areas, some better with classroom management, others who are really meant to only be coaches and not teachers, but in some capacity or another they really do care about what matters the most- the students. We all, together, get tired of the same things that go wrong every day, every week, every year. We talk about the crazy decisions that are made, about the the corruptness, the disorganization, the students getting away with murder. And somehow, like anything in life, it makes it better to know you're not in it alone.
I haven't decided where I'll be next year. I have known I will be teaching next year, but I have changed my mind back and forth between Indiana and Mississippi...and now whether to stay put or change schools here. After today, I'd say I can handle one more year. For some reason this evening I feel empowered...I want to put new labels on the teachers' boxes so we can actually use them again, help do scheduling over the summer, demand that I teach classes I actually want to teach, find computers so that all teachers can have one in their classroom...I know this feeling will pass as I get bogged down with my own work, but I know what others know now. Our school has the potential to be so much better than it is. The problems start at the top in central office, and they snowball all the way down. It helps to communicate with each other, and it helps me to hear how others handle it. It is through the relationships I have made that I believe I have and will become a better teacher.
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Being a teacher
Some effects of teaching...
1. Over the holidays, we've been playing games galore. When I was playing Set and Sudoku with my brother, I found myself saying, "good" quite often, assuring him he was doing it right (he's still new) as if he was a student learning a new concept.
2. I get "walk it out" in my head.
3. I get a little excited when I am watching a movie and I found out that someone is a teacher. (ex: Family Stone, Amy)
4. I have a harder time being still. I feel like I should be grading or planning or something.
5. I'm always tired.
6. I have more patience (for some things). I explain things better and more thoroughly.
7. I have no life.
a. Conversations with most friends, who are mostly teachers, mostly revolve around one
thing...
b. I get excited doing little things that have absolutely nothing to do with teaching, such as
1. Shooting cans off hammock posts with a b b gun
2. sudoku
3. chasing the dog
4. cooking/baking anything
1. Over the holidays, we've been playing games galore. When I was playing Set and Sudoku with my brother, I found myself saying, "good" quite often, assuring him he was doing it right (he's still new) as if he was a student learning a new concept.
2. I get "walk it out" in my head.
3. I get a little excited when I am watching a movie and I found out that someone is a teacher. (ex: Family Stone, Amy)
4. I have a harder time being still. I feel like I should be grading or planning or something.
5. I'm always tired.
6. I have more patience (for some things). I explain things better and more thoroughly.
7. I have no life.
a. Conversations with most friends, who are mostly teachers, mostly revolve around one
thing...
b. I get excited doing little things that have absolutely nothing to do with teaching, such as
1. Shooting cans off hammock posts with a b b gun
2. sudoku
3. chasing the dog
4. cooking/baking anything
Respect and Motivation
All of the required blog topics (minus the first one) are questions without answers. We all know that. Some things work for some teacher with some students, while it doesn't work for others. I'll do my best to give a few tips, but I know now more than ever that I am certainly not any kind of expert in this area.
How do you get respect from students? Well, the first obvious response would be "Give them respect." Be consistent. Stay firm, but flexible. Show you care. It's all said too often, but it really is true. Students know when teachers actually respect them and when they don't...it doesn't matter your style. The teacher across the hall from me always puts my classroom to shame, as far as classroom management goes. It's always quiet. Students are always working in some way, and she's got it totally under control. I was talking to one especially sweet student who was saying she was scared of her...but at the same time she likes her. She likes her cuz she knows she cares. She knows she is firm and "mean" because that's the way to control the the typical student at our school. On the other hand, our band director, I have heard, has some major respect issues. Band directors, I feel, are at an advantage because students can actually have "fun" doing what they want to do in that class. They love music. I loved band. I loved taking a break from class after class...getting to play music with others. Yet, our band director struggles. Why? Hmmm.... they don't respect him. Why? I could make some hypotheses, but I really have no idea. Perhaps he just isn't firm enough. Maybe he is disorganized. Most likely, he doesn't show he cares (or maybe he doesn't care).
Next question...how do we keep students motivated? Another tough question with no real answer. It depends on each classroom, each student...whether he or she is actually interested in the material or interested in getting good grades or interested in passing the class just so she can graduate. That last example holds true for many of my students. Students have to have Geometry to graduate, but Trig is just purely an elective. The majority of the Trig students really could give a flying flip. They wanted it to be easy, with little to no work, just so they can have it on their transcript and get an easy A. They're "tired," they've had all the math they need, they have a senior project to work on, and Trig is the lowest on the priorities. I cannot motivate them. Or, I guess to not be utterly negative, I haven't figured out how to motivate them. Another suggestion would be to always act like you love what you're teaching. You hear that all the time...but they have to think you live for this stuff. My students think that I do math all the freaking time. They think I have no life. They think I'm a geek, a genius, and "too smart to teach." All of this, of course, is absurd, but hey, if it helps just a few stick with it, then I've done my job. I'd rather be a geeky math teacher to them than a cool young teacher who they can hang with. I try to stay approachable, but I'm too close to their age to get too close to them. What do you think?
One more response to "What do you think about blogging?" Honestly, it feels more contrived. I can't get out what I want to, and I feel like I'm being redundant. I doubt many people read this anymore anyway, and I don't say anything very profound. Still, I've always though of it more of a release for myself and so the people I am close to can understand a little about what's going on in my life. People get tired of hearing about school all the time, but really, it is our life. By blogging, we can express ourselves and others can read it, if they want to.
How do you get respect from students? Well, the first obvious response would be "Give them respect." Be consistent. Stay firm, but flexible. Show you care. It's all said too often, but it really is true. Students know when teachers actually respect them and when they don't...it doesn't matter your style. The teacher across the hall from me always puts my classroom to shame, as far as classroom management goes. It's always quiet. Students are always working in some way, and she's got it totally under control. I was talking to one especially sweet student who was saying she was scared of her...but at the same time she likes her. She likes her cuz she knows she cares. She knows she is firm and "mean" because that's the way to control the the typical student at our school. On the other hand, our band director, I have heard, has some major respect issues. Band directors, I feel, are at an advantage because students can actually have "fun" doing what they want to do in that class. They love music. I loved band. I loved taking a break from class after class...getting to play music with others. Yet, our band director struggles. Why? Hmmm.... they don't respect him. Why? I could make some hypotheses, but I really have no idea. Perhaps he just isn't firm enough. Maybe he is disorganized. Most likely, he doesn't show he cares (or maybe he doesn't care).
Next question...how do we keep students motivated? Another tough question with no real answer. It depends on each classroom, each student...whether he or she is actually interested in the material or interested in getting good grades or interested in passing the class just so she can graduate. That last example holds true for many of my students. Students have to have Geometry to graduate, but Trig is just purely an elective. The majority of the Trig students really could give a flying flip. They wanted it to be easy, with little to no work, just so they can have it on their transcript and get an easy A. They're "tired," they've had all the math they need, they have a senior project to work on, and Trig is the lowest on the priorities. I cannot motivate them. Or, I guess to not be utterly negative, I haven't figured out how to motivate them. Another suggestion would be to always act like you love what you're teaching. You hear that all the time...but they have to think you live for this stuff. My students think that I do math all the freaking time. They think I have no life. They think I'm a geek, a genius, and "too smart to teach." All of this, of course, is absurd, but hey, if it helps just a few stick with it, then I've done my job. I'd rather be a geeky math teacher to them than a cool young teacher who they can hang with. I try to stay approachable, but I'm too close to their age to get too close to them. What do you think?
One more response to "What do you think about blogging?" Honestly, it feels more contrived. I can't get out what I want to, and I feel like I'm being redundant. I doubt many people read this anymore anyway, and I don't say anything very profound. Still, I've always though of it more of a release for myself and so the people I am close to can understand a little about what's going on in my life. People get tired of hearing about school all the time, but really, it is our life. By blogging, we can express ourselves and others can read it, if they want to.
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Back from Thanksgiving...and ready for Christmas
Last week I wanted to not work at my school four out of the five days. What made me happy and kept me going? Knowing my brother is at home and that I might be teaching next year in Indiana, living with my grandmother. But that 5th day...Friday...was the first time in a long while that I actually wanted to keep doing what I'm doing...I saw again the willingness to learn, kindness and goodness in others, that makes me love some of these kids... so here are some of the highlights of the week back from Thanksgiving...
1. One of my students talked to me after class, apologizing for her poor behavior (and not paying attention or trying in class), saying she's been having a hard time. She showed me her face- huge welt on the top of forehead and a bruise on her cheek- that was from her father's baby. I was sympathetic, telling her she would have to stay after another day so that I could work with her. I even felt the need to hug her. But really...what can you do? What can you say?
2. Two of our students' mothers passed away this week, one from an enlarged heart and the other from being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I'm sure others have heard about the black boys from Yazoo and the white boys from Belzoni...to make a long story short, the white boys were "getting back" at the black boys and were gonna shoot their tail lights out. So they shot at a car they thought was the Yazoo boys, and the bullet went right through the backseat and into the back of a mother from Belzoni. Students collected money for both of these families Friday, and the students and faculty alike were amazingly generous.
3. Geometry has gotten better...although I don't feel like I'm really teaching all the time, just drilling them. I need to work on that. But...students are doing their work, paying attention, and all but 6 passed the last (freaking easy) quiz.
4. Trig kids drive me crazy daily. With the exception of 5, the rest could care less to be in there. I have to fight and yell every day to get them to do anything. Friday was better, though.
5. Algebra II were simply adorable Thursday and Friday, diligently working on their Linear Programming worksheets, helping each other understand, asking me over and over to check their work, trying to correct their mistakes. They get it, so they want to do it.
On a totally unrelated school note: we have a beautiful 12 foot christmas tree again that we (again) got from south of Jackson and had sticking out of my accord all the way back home. It's fully decorated, and our living room has those "old school" lights. It's silly, but it makes us all happy.
1. One of my students talked to me after class, apologizing for her poor behavior (and not paying attention or trying in class), saying she's been having a hard time. She showed me her face- huge welt on the top of forehead and a bruise on her cheek- that was from her father's baby. I was sympathetic, telling her she would have to stay after another day so that I could work with her. I even felt the need to hug her. But really...what can you do? What can you say?
2. Two of our students' mothers passed away this week, one from an enlarged heart and the other from being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I'm sure others have heard about the black boys from Yazoo and the white boys from Belzoni...to make a long story short, the white boys were "getting back" at the black boys and were gonna shoot their tail lights out. So they shot at a car they thought was the Yazoo boys, and the bullet went right through the backseat and into the back of a mother from Belzoni. Students collected money for both of these families Friday, and the students and faculty alike were amazingly generous.
3. Geometry has gotten better...although I don't feel like I'm really teaching all the time, just drilling them. I need to work on that. But...students are doing their work, paying attention, and all but 6 passed the last (freaking easy) quiz.
4. Trig kids drive me crazy daily. With the exception of 5, the rest could care less to be in there. I have to fight and yell every day to get them to do anything. Friday was better, though.
5. Algebra II were simply adorable Thursday and Friday, diligently working on their Linear Programming worksheets, helping each other understand, asking me over and over to check their work, trying to correct their mistakes. They get it, so they want to do it.
On a totally unrelated school note: we have a beautiful 12 foot christmas tree again that we (again) got from south of Jackson and had sticking out of my accord all the way back home. It's fully decorated, and our living room has those "old school" lights. It's silly, but it makes us all happy.
Last week I wanted to not work at my school four out of the five days. What made me happy and kept me going? Knowing my brother is at home and that I might be teaching next year in Indiana, living with my grandmother. But that 5th day...Friday...was the first time in a long while that I actually wanted to keep doing what I'm doing...I saw again the willingness to learn, kindness and goodness in others, that makes me love some of these kids... so here are some of the highlights of the week back from Thanksgiving...
1. One of my students talked to me after class, apologizing for her poor behavior (and not paying attention or trying in class), saying she's been having a hard time. She showed me her face- huge welt on the top of forehead and a bruise on her cheek- that was from her father's baby. I was sympathetic, telling her she would have to stay after another day so that I could work with her. I even felt the need to hug her. But really...what can you do? What can you say?
2. Two of our students' mothers passed away this week, one from an enlarged heart and the other from being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I'm sure others have heard about the black boys from Yazoo and the white boys from Belzoni...to make a long story short, the white boys were "getting back" at the black boys and were gonna shoot their tail lights out. So they shot at a car they thought was the Yazoo boys, and the bullet went right through the backseat and into the back of a mother from Belzoni. Students collected money for both of these families Friday, and the students and faculty alike were amazingly generous.
3. Geometry has gotten better...although I don't feel like I'm really teaching all the time, just drilling them. I need to work on that. But...students are doing their work, paying attention, and all but 6 passed the last (freaking easy) quiz.
4. Trig kids drive me crazy daily. With the exception of 5, the rest could care less to be in there. I have to fight and yell every day to get them to do anything. Friday was better, though.
5. Algebra II were simply adorable Thursday and Friday, diligently working on their Linear Programming worksheets, helping each other understand, asking me over and over to check their work, trying to correct their mistakes. They get it, so they want to do it.
On a totally unrelated school note: we have a beautiful 12 foot christmas tree again that we (again) got from south of Jackson and had sticking out of my accord all the way back home. It's fully decorated, and our living room has those "old school" lights. It's silly, but it makes us all happy.
1. One of my students talked to me after class, apologizing for her poor behavior (and not paying attention or trying in class), saying she's been having a hard time. She showed me her face- huge welt on the top of forehead and a bruise on her cheek- that was from her father's baby. I was sympathetic, telling her she would have to stay after another day so that I could work with her. I even felt the need to hug her. But really...what can you do? What can you say?
2. Two of our students' mothers passed away this week, one from an enlarged heart and the other from being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I'm sure others have heard about the black boys from Yazoo and the white boys from Belzoni...to make a long story short, the white boys were "getting back" at the black boys and were gonna shoot their tail lights out. So they shot at a car they thought was the Yazoo boys, and the bullet went right through the backseat and into the back of a mother from Belzoni. Students collected money for both of these families Friday, and the students and faculty alike were amazingly generous.
3. Geometry has gotten better...although I don't feel like I'm really teaching all the time, just drilling them. I need to work on that. But...students are doing their work, paying attention, and all but 6 passed the last (freaking easy) quiz.
4. Trig kids drive me crazy daily. With the exception of 5, the rest could care less to be in there. I have to fight and yell every day to get them to do anything. Friday was better, though.
5. Algebra II were simply adorable Thursday and Friday, diligently working on their Linear Programming worksheets, helping each other understand, asking me over and over to check their work, trying to correct their mistakes. They get it, so they want to do it.
On a totally unrelated school note: we have a beautiful 12 foot christmas tree again that we (again) got from south of Jackson and had sticking out of my accord all the way back home. It's fully decorated, and our living room has those "old school" lights. It's silly, but it makes us all happy.
Friday, November 24, 2006
Star of the year
J.B. He sat in the back right corner of my 5th period Geometry class. Quiet, but usually smiling...we made silent contact quite often during the lessons. Even though I rarely called on him (I should have more), I tried to often acknowledge that his answers were correct. He would mouth or quietly say the answer (always correct) and I would be sure to make eye contact and smile. He would come in every day, one of the first ones in before the bell rang, asking, "We didn't have homework last night, did we?" in which I would usually reply with "Yes, but you already finished it." He always wore his camouflage jacket, had horrible posture, and was either sad and tired, or happy and goofy. I loved J.B. I won't dare erase his name from my rollbook, even after his car accident two Mondays ago. I barely knew him, but he left something with me, as he did his Spanish teacher.
Thursday, November 23, 2006
In a year from now?
I do not know where I will be next year. I do know that I will be teaching. That's what I'm saying now, anyway. Honestly, I haven't had time to think about anything else...seriously...although I have thrown around the idea of starting a restaurant in downtown Yazoo in the once Cheshire Cat antique store with my fellow foodie roommate and writing math workbooks on the side (with the help of some other detail-oriented MTC math geeks...I really don't consider myself that actually ;), but in all reality, I know that I need to stick with what I know and have done and can feel like I've accomplished something everyday.
So now the question is, where? Well, I have a few options.
1. I could stay where I am, teaching where I already teach. Pros: I know the ups and downs of our school, I know the community, I know the kids, and several of them I would get to have again. Also, and most importantly, I wouldn't be leaving the kids and the school...they already have a hard enough time getting teachers. Oh, and I would get to continue living next to the most amazing woman in the world. Cons: Can I do this...again...
2. I could stay where I am, but teach elsewhere, such as Yazoo County (which is a pretty good school from what I've heard) or in Jackson. Pros: new school, perhaps better adminstration and in consequence better behaved kids; if in Yazoo I could save on gas. Cons: Would I be trading apples for apples?
3. I could move up to live with Gramma for a year and teach somewhere in South Bend. Pros: get to know my gramma more than I ever have since I was much younger, get to live in another part of the country and try teaching in a different community with a different culture Cons: I would leave Mississippi...and my friends and students
So who knows. I need to decide soon...I feel too many responsibilities, though. And then I know I need to think about what I'm doing after next year, anyway. Too many possibilities and too many choices. Exciting...and a little scary.
So now the question is, where? Well, I have a few options.
1. I could stay where I am, teaching where I already teach. Pros: I know the ups and downs of our school, I know the community, I know the kids, and several of them I would get to have again. Also, and most importantly, I wouldn't be leaving the kids and the school...they already have a hard enough time getting teachers. Oh, and I would get to continue living next to the most amazing woman in the world. Cons: Can I do this...again...
2. I could stay where I am, but teach elsewhere, such as Yazoo County (which is a pretty good school from what I've heard) or in Jackson. Pros: new school, perhaps better adminstration and in consequence better behaved kids; if in Yazoo I could save on gas. Cons: Would I be trading apples for apples?
3. I could move up to live with Gramma for a year and teach somewhere in South Bend. Pros: get to know my gramma more than I ever have since I was much younger, get to live in another part of the country and try teaching in a different community with a different culture Cons: I would leave Mississippi...and my friends and students
So who knows. I need to decide soon...I feel too many responsibilities, though. And then I know I need to think about what I'm doing after next year, anyway. Too many possibilities and too many choices. Exciting...and a little scary.
Friday, November 03, 2006
I spoke too soon
Well...I spoke too soon. I hope this week was just a bad week, and that it's not that last week was the one good week... it has been hard, very hard...
I find myself getting angry all the time. I didn't used to feel like this. I gave a test in Algebra II yesterday, and I thought they were at least mostly ready, and I even let them use their notebooks because it was somewhat more challenging and I didn't want any excuses, and they still fussed the entire time they took the quiz. It's amazing how much all the students complain all day long. It's too cold, it's too hot, they don't have paper, or pencil, or their notebook, or they can't see, or someone has passed gas...I guess it's a typical classroom (I certainly hope not), but lord, it seems to get crazier every day. The students are really out of control... let's talk about today: first, right before 6th period, a group of girls decided to use the fire extinguisher. The hallway was filled with smoke and students were screaming and late to class. Of course. Then, during 6th period we had an assembly for Red Ribbon Week. It took close to 20 minutes to get everyone in there. The nurse had to repeatedly ask, "Teachers, please get your students seated." Our speaker opened up her speech by expressing how shocked she was with the students' poor behavior and disrespectfulness. The entire student body burst out laughing when a particular young lady came up to speak. I was disgusted.
What really gets to me is the lack of interest in learning a dang thing. I'm having a hard time differentiating my learning. I can't make learning fun because I'm not having any fun. They are driving me crazy, and it is showing. I feel like I have no support, and I have really no way to discipline. Yes, I could give detentions that most of them won't go to, and then if they don't go, they are supposed to be given a day's suspension, which most of them would respond with, "I'll take a day at home," with little or no remorse. While the nurse was up there trying to say her thank you's to all who helped and having hard time because students were talking, the principal sat in the back and did nothing. The kids really do run our school. The kids, and their parents.
I know I need to do more disciplining. But the thing is, I don't feel like I could have real consequences for my consequences. I've wondered why some of the other teachers have more control in their classrooms...but I'm not like Ms. R next door to me or Ms. H. down the hall. They are tough, they can be mean, and they even scare me. I don't and can't have that effect. That's not my style. I'm starting to think that I'm just "too nice" for this school. I hate to admit that I can't do this, but really, I think it's coming to that. I hate feeling unsuccessful, tired, and worn down almost every day. I know I must be doing a lot wrong.
I hope that this blog will be followed by a more optimistic one. But right now, I'm just ready for Thanksgiving.
I find myself getting angry all the time. I didn't used to feel like this. I gave a test in Algebra II yesterday, and I thought they were at least mostly ready, and I even let them use their notebooks because it was somewhat more challenging and I didn't want any excuses, and they still fussed the entire time they took the quiz. It's amazing how much all the students complain all day long. It's too cold, it's too hot, they don't have paper, or pencil, or their notebook, or they can't see, or someone has passed gas...I guess it's a typical classroom (I certainly hope not), but lord, it seems to get crazier every day. The students are really out of control... let's talk about today: first, right before 6th period, a group of girls decided to use the fire extinguisher. The hallway was filled with smoke and students were screaming and late to class. Of course. Then, during 6th period we had an assembly for Red Ribbon Week. It took close to 20 minutes to get everyone in there. The nurse had to repeatedly ask, "Teachers, please get your students seated." Our speaker opened up her speech by expressing how shocked she was with the students' poor behavior and disrespectfulness. The entire student body burst out laughing when a particular young lady came up to speak. I was disgusted.
What really gets to me is the lack of interest in learning a dang thing. I'm having a hard time differentiating my learning. I can't make learning fun because I'm not having any fun. They are driving me crazy, and it is showing. I feel like I have no support, and I have really no way to discipline. Yes, I could give detentions that most of them won't go to, and then if they don't go, they are supposed to be given a day's suspension, which most of them would respond with, "I'll take a day at home," with little or no remorse. While the nurse was up there trying to say her thank you's to all who helped and having hard time because students were talking, the principal sat in the back and did nothing. The kids really do run our school. The kids, and their parents.
I know I need to do more disciplining. But the thing is, I don't feel like I could have real consequences for my consequences. I've wondered why some of the other teachers have more control in their classrooms...but I'm not like Ms. R next door to me or Ms. H. down the hall. They are tough, they can be mean, and they even scare me. I don't and can't have that effect. That's not my style. I'm starting to think that I'm just "too nice" for this school. I hate to admit that I can't do this, but really, I think it's coming to that. I hate feeling unsuccessful, tired, and worn down almost every day. I know I must be doing a lot wrong.
I hope that this blog will be followed by a more optimistic one. But right now, I'm just ready for Thanksgiving.
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