lockdown

Today was hell, for the kids and for us.

Some things that happened weren't too far from normal, or at least we have been through it before: we held first period til 5th period, we weren't allowed to let our kids in the hall, there was a fight in the hallway this morning... but there was more going on today than normal. We were on "lockdown," meaning no one could leave the classrooms. Then, employees from central office showed up, as well as the entire Belzoni police department (or at least 10 of them) collecting all cell phones and checking all the students' bags (of course most of them managed to hide them anyway...I was torn between helping the kids from getting phones taken away that they might actually really need for a job afterschool or to call their mom and following all the rules strictly in that they aren't supposed to have phones in the first place). Then they searched all the lockers...after cutting all the locks first. This, of course, resulted in many complaints from students who paid good money for their locks, only to have them cut without their permission. We could hear their lccks clank loudly onto the linoleum floor while they rummaged through the students' belongings. They felt violated. They didn't understand how any safety fear could justify such an intrusion of their privacy.

But really, that wasn't the worst of it. I loved having first period. We finished our work (really, they can only simplify radicals and convert to rational exponents for so long) so they played hangman, cleaned my board, graded homework, did make-up work...I got stuff done, and they were a joy to keep for four hours. Then the bell rang...and 5th period came. Night and day. I hate them...well...not all of them...of course I don't hate them, I just hate the way they treat me. Too many of them have no respect. I came in from the hallway to find ten of them hovered around the window, watching the cops outside to see what was up. Most complained about the strong scent from my boards getting cleaned, or it was too hot, or too cold, or they were ready to go to lunch, or they were refusing verbally to do work, or were voicing other opinons about the day's events. I informed them we weren't going to lunch until they were quiet, until we did some work...they laughed in my face (some, anyway). We stayed 15 minutes late. At lunch, I heard and saw many of the worst-behaving boys talking to our principal about "giving me a pink-slip." I just smiled...knowing that they would never fire me for making students work and attempting to get them to be quiet and (heaven-forbid) learn something.

I know I generalize too much. This class isn't all bad, and it takes just a few to sour the whole class. They drive me crazy. They make me want to cry, to give up, to sit down and not even try. But I won't let them, and they even recognized that today when I wouldn't relent to not doing some work. And, suprisingly, I think they actually liked that I wouldn't give in so easily.

I need to do something...I barely have a grip over them...when I wouldn't let them go to lunch, they threatened to just get up and go, and they kept trying, and I wouldn't let them, and they would sit down. So I have something, however thin, to hold onto. I just need a much stonger hold, or I'll lose it for the rest of this year. And unfortunately, I think I'll see the same 3 guys that ruin that class again next year...

So who knows what tomorrow will hold. Will we hold classes again? The students had to take everything home today from their lockers...notes and papers and worksheets scattered all across the halls....books and notebooks stolen...just out of spite, or amusement, or who knows what else. I don't know how I could have a notebook check now, much less how I will expect them to have a notebook to carry around all day with their 6 other notebooks (that is, if they actually do work in all their classes). We will just have to see. I have to say, I am very glad Ms. Evans' door is around the corner...it's nice to have support so close.

I don't blame the administration for taking such extreme action...obviously their was a serious safety issue. The students don't understand how much more important it is to be safe, even if it results in an intrusion of privacy.

through the thick of it

My first two parent-conferences were this week. It seems that our vice-principal is trying to discipline more, a job that is really not even hers, but hey, someone's gotta do it, and the man in charge certainly isn't. (As a side note, during a professional development this week, one of our beloved math teachers told us freely of her comments to our principal, "You possess no characteristics of a leader..." Which I am sure she said in her usually very firm, sincere, yet kind and caring way. I wish we all had that nerve and strength in one's opinions.) For some reason, I think our assistant principal likes me. Perhaps it's because I don't bother her nearly as much as I should, and I don't call enough parents or require enough parent-teacher conferences, etc., as another fellow teacher corps member does. But the conferences went okay...One of them is no longer skipping my class and is still serving 6 days of detention (which is NOTHING considering our detention is only for 20 min.), and the other guy just got done with 2 days of suspension for something related to smoking (that he argued he didn't do). Clearly, our school desperately needs a discipline ladder.
Many teachers who have been there for years and put up with probably more than they should are seriously considering leaving. They keep saying that the "kids are out of control." And they aren't blaming the kids...They blame the administration. And it's true, the students have no fear. They know that, more than likely, even if they skip class, even if they get written up, several times even, that nothing will probably happen. This is probably the reason why when they do get called in to the office and receive some form of discipline, they get so mad. They're used to getting away with murder, and why shouldn't they? It worked so many other times!
They are supposed to work on discipline this summer...which I pray they do. Brooke and I have discussed transferring to a different school that is more organized and more supportive, and I know Tiffany will probably not be here next year (which does make me sad to think of not being able to call to borrow calculators/graph paper/test cd's from a very happy voice). I know our vp tries, and goodness knows that our secretary works her hardest, but we need a strong leader. We all know that, even our vp. I wish that same math teacher could be our principal. I am lucky enough to be in the room next to hers, and it is comforting to here her booming voice instructing students how to factor (in Algebra I) while I try to teach my students.
Some days, I enjoy teaching. Others, it's a struggle to hold it together, to keep them interested and to understand what I am trying to teach them. Sometimes I am ill-prepared, sometimes I've got it all together.

Some "happies" that have kept me going in harder times:
1. An "anonymous" note from a very sweet, quiet, introverted, intelligent young woman that is meant to remind me that she is glad I am there, she appreciates my hard work, and not to let others bring me down because some of them do care and I am helping them.
2. The other day one of my favorite feisty students asked me "Why do we always have to work in here?" I replied, "Because I care about you, and I want you to get a good education." She surprisingly happily replied with, "Well we care about you, too, Ms. Wong."
3. My dog, Manny the Man man. He is a lovely retreat to take me away from the hooligans at school.