Ugly Cake

My MTC Experience

2007-05-06T23:55:00.000-07:00

People always say that you spend the best four years of your life at college. Well, they’re right. MTC has been an incredibly memorable experience, as I’m sure the first two years of teaching always are, but I can’t say it’s been the best time of my life. I can say it has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It’s been a time when all your weaknesses and faults are exposed and are exaggerated. Your life rarely goes outside of teaching, planning, or grading, as is evident by the constant vis-à-vis marker remnants on fingers and how conversations too often revolve around what James did or what the principal didn’t do or what Rachel said. You have to give up a part of yourself, your interests, your time...

I came into MTC completely naïve. Although I was supposedly a “Ford Fellow” at Millsaps, meaning it’s sort of student teaching with a research component, I really had no previous experiences to prepare me for teaching. I had very little experience teaching in front of a large group, and no experience being the one completely responsible for choosing, planning, and creating a lesson. I remember actually being scared during the student teaching at Oxford Middle School, during peer teaching, and the first weeks at HCHS. I remember Ruth, Lee, and I just dipping our feet into the wide pool of teaching during student teaching. We didn’t know what we were doing; we were just pretending, and I don’t think we really did that great of a job at that. Yet now, seeing Lee make his final presentation (much louder and with a lot more confidence), I see how far many of us have come. (I wish I could have gotten there, too.)
Listening to Anderson’s presentation, I think we spend our first year(s) of teaching trying on different teaching personas. We all have our favorite teachers, and we try to be like them because it worked for them. Yes, some things about teaching are universal. You have to be consistent, firm, approachable, organized, observant, all-knowing… yet we have to find out our own way of teaching. I’ve done just this changing room of personalities, and, unfortunately, I have done it both years, perhaps because what worked last year didn’t work this year, or what I tried differently didn’t work, either. It worked during student-teaching last summer at Holly Springs, but that was a different case all together. (Holly Springs students are not HCHS geometry students.)

I’ve been coining too many phrases, but it’s true that you’ve gotta learn the hard way. I’m still learning. I’ll never stop, I know that, but right now if I keep going the way I am going, well, let’s just say I wouldn’t last another year where I’m at. I wear myself out, I plan too much, I yell too often. Somewhere I’ve missed out on making that connection with my students. I haven’t been myself around them, I haven’t learned how to react the right way to them to show I am in control but I care about them. I won’t bore you with complaining, but I am disappointed that I have not “grown” more than I have. I am not used to failure, and I do feel I have failed myself. I say that I want to stay one more year to leave feeling satisfied, that I’ve won, but I am currently having second thoughts of remaining.

On a completely different note, one of the blessings and burdens of MTC are the classes. Yes, we all hate having any extra work beyond what we already have to do for the classes we teach, and having to drive 3+ hours to Oxford, but at the same time it was wonderful coming back on those weekends to see familiar and similarly weary looking faces. I have a hard time giving myself a break, and I actually let myself on those Fridays and Saturdays. It was relaxing to be sitting as a student than standing in the front as a teacher. It was also refreshing to hear what my peers were doing in their respective schools, what was working and what wasn’t working, to know we were all just barely getting by together. I enjoyed some classes, learned little in others, but it was nice all the same, to me, by all of us just being there together, every time.
MTC tried to get us ready as teachers, and was somewhat successful. Nothing could completely prepare you for teaching. I believe that MTC is heading the right direction by having new teachers teach summer school all summer- get them in the classrooms, get them teaching, trying new ideas, managing people, planning, grading… all the parts of teaching that make it both strenuous and rewarding.

I certainly don’t regret becoming a part of this program. I regret not taking the time my summer between my first and second years to reevaluate myself and prepare better. I regret not using my strengths and doing what I know is right and must be done to grow more. I regret not becoming the teacher that others think I have become. Wherever I teach next year, (which I am still thinking my current school), I know I will do better, for my students, but also selfishly, for me.

A game of Skip-Bo

2007-01-12T20:47:00.000-08:00

Today was "Report Card Pick-Up/Parent-Teacher Conference" Day. And my, it was the best one yet.

I usually spend my time on these days cleaning, trying to get ahead, trying to catch up, putting away old worksheets from the last nine weeks (filed away somewhere that I won't be able to find later when I need them), organizing what-not, putting up posters, etc. I did do a bit of that (my metal cabinet rocks!) yet I actually let myself take a break, thanks to a Spanish teacher across the way who asked me to play Skip-Bo. So that's what we did...me and her and Mr. H. and Coach B. and Ms. H. We had the perfect table- a teacher's desk. Coach B. would laugh and laugh about anything and Ms. H. would make funny comments and try to continuously draw after she had already started her turn. Numerous teachers walked by saying, "Y'all are having a party in here," with jealousy in their voice. Coach J. came in later, only making it that much more competitive. Such a range of personalities, so freaking hilarious. Students walked by and came in "to speak" and I could tell they thought it was a little funny that all of us were playing cards with such enthusiasm. Later on in the day, we even got Ms. R. to play, who is known by her students for being strict and having little personality. But we have learned that it is only an act, and deep down she'd been wanting to play with us all day. She got caught by another veteran teacher, who saw her and exclaimed, "They got you too! I've got to take a picture of this!" I did feel like I was going to get in trouble all day.

That's the best thing about this year. I really feel like I have developed a camaraderie among many of the teachers. They are all competent, caring people, some perhaps better trained to teach their areas, some better with classroom management, others who are really meant to only be coaches and not teachers, but in some capacity or another they really do care about what matters the most- the students. We all, together, get tired of the same things that go wrong every day, every week, every year. We talk about the crazy decisions that are made, about the the corruptness, the disorganization, the students getting away with murder. And somehow, like anything in life, it makes it better to know you're not in it alone.

I haven't decided where I'll be next year. I have known I will be teaching next year, but I have changed my mind back and forth between Indiana and Mississippi...and now whether to stay put or change schools here. After today, I'd say I can handle one more year. For some reason this evening I feel empowered...I want to put new labels on the teachers' boxes so we can actually use them again, help do scheduling over the summer, demand that I teach classes I actually want to teach, find computers so that all teachers can have one in their classroom...I know this feeling will pass as I get bogged down with my own work, but I know what others know now. Our school has the potential to be so much better than it is. The problems start at the top in central office, and they snowball all the way down. It helps to communicate with each other, and it helps me to hear how others handle it. It is through the relationships I have made that I believe I have and will become a better teacher.

Being a teacher

2006-12-26T10:10:00.000-08:00

Some effects of teaching...

1. Over the holidays, we've been playing games galore. When I was playing Set and Sudoku with my brother, I found myself saying, "good" quite often, assuring him he was doing it right (he's still new) as if he was a student learning a new concept.

2. I get "walk it out" in my head.

3. I get a little excited when I am watching a movie and I found out that someone is a teacher. (ex: Family Stone, Amy)

4. I have a harder time being still. I feel like I should be grading or planning or something.

5. I'm always tired.

6. I have more patience (for some things). I explain things better and more thoroughly.

7. I have no life.
a. Conversations with most friends, who are mostly teachers, mostly revolve around one
thing...
b. I get excited doing little things that have absolutely nothing to do with teaching, such as
1. Shooting cans off hammock posts with a b b gun
2. sudoku
3. chasing the dog
4. cooking/baking anything

Respect and Motivation

2006-12-26T09:53:00.000-08:00

All of the required blog topics (minus the first one) are questions without answers. We all know that. Some things work for some teacher with some students, while it doesn't work for others. I'll do my best to give a few tips, but I know now more than ever that I am certainly not any kind of expert in this area.

How do you get respect from students? Well, the first obvious response would be "Give them respect." Be consistent. Stay firm, but flexible. Show you care. It's all said too often, but it really is true. Students know when teachers actually respect them and when they don't...it doesn't matter your style. The teacher across the hall from me always puts my classroom to shame, as far as classroom management goes. It's always quiet. Students are always working in some way, and she's got it totally under control. I was talking to one especially sweet student who was saying she was scared of her...but at the same time she likes her. She likes her cuz she knows she cares. She knows she is firm and "mean" because that's the way to control the the typical student at our school. On the other hand, our band director, I have heard, has some major respect issues. Band directors, I feel, are at an advantage because students can actually have "fun" doing what they want to do in that class. They love music. I loved band. I loved taking a break from class after class...getting to play music with others. Yet, our band director struggles. Why? Hmmm.... they don't respect him. Why? I could make some hypotheses, but I really have no idea. Perhaps he just isn't firm enough. Maybe he is disorganized. Most likely, he doesn't show he cares (or maybe he doesn't care).

Next question...how do we keep students motivated? Another tough question with no real answer. It depends on each classroom, each student...whether he or she is actually interested in the material or interested in getting good grades or interested in passing the class just so she can graduate. That last example holds true for many of my students. Students have to have Geometry to graduate, but Trig is just purely an elective. The majority of the Trig students really could give a flying flip. They wanted it to be easy, with little to no work, just so they can have it on their transcript and get an easy A. They're "tired," they've had all the math they need, they have a senior project to work on, and Trig is the lowest on the priorities. I cannot motivate them. Or, I guess to not be utterly negative, I haven't figured out how to motivate them. Another suggestion would be to always act like you love what you're teaching. You hear that all the time...but they have to think you live for this stuff. My students think that I do math all the freaking time. They think I have no life. They think I'm a geek, a genius, and "too smart to teach." All of this, of course, is absurd, but hey, if it helps just a few stick with it, then I've done my job. I'd rather be a geeky math teacher to them than a cool young teacher who they can hang with. I try to stay approachable, but I'm too close to their age to get too close to them. What do you think?

One more response to "What do you think about blogging?" Honestly, it feels more contrived. I can't get out what I want to, and I feel like I'm being redundant. I doubt many people read this anymore anyway, and I don't say anything very profound. Still, I've always though of it more of a release for myself and so the people I am close to can understand a little about what's going on in my life. People get tired of hearing about school all the time, but really, it is our life. By blogging, we can express ourselves and others can read it, if they want to.

Back from Thanksgiving...and ready for Christmas

2006-12-03T14:55:00.001-08:00

Last week I wanted to not work at my school four out of the five days. What made me happy and kept me going? Knowing my brother is at home and that I might be teaching next year in Indiana, living with my grandmother. But that 5th day...Friday...was the first time in a long while that I actually wanted to keep doing what I'm doing...I saw again the willingness to learn, kindness and goodness in others, that makes me love some of these kids... so here are some of the highlights of the week back from Thanksgiving...

1. One of my students talked to me after class, apologizing for her poor behavior (and not paying attention or trying in class), saying she's been having a hard time. She showed me her face- huge welt on the top of forehead and a bruise on her cheek- that was from her father's baby. I was sympathetic, telling her she would have to stay after another day so that I could work with her. I even felt the need to hug her. But really...what can you do? What can you say?
2. Two of our students' mothers passed away this week, one from an enlarged heart and the other from being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I'm sure others have heard about the black boys from Yazoo and the white boys from Belzoni...to make a long story short, the white boys were "getting back" at the black boys and were gonna shoot their tail lights out. So they shot at a car they thought was the Yazoo boys, and the bullet went right through the backseat and into the back of a mother from Belzoni. Students collected money for both of these families Friday, and the students and faculty alike were amazingly generous.
3. Geometry has gotten better...although I don't feel like I'm really teaching all the time, just drilling them. I need to work on that. But...students are doing their work, paying attention, and all but 6 passed the last (freaking easy) quiz.
4. Trig kids drive me crazy daily. With the exception of 5, the rest could care less to be in there. I have to fight and yell every day to get them to do anything. Friday was better, though.
5. Algebra II were simply adorable Thursday and Friday, diligently working on their Linear Programming worksheets, helping each other understand, asking me over and over to check their work, trying to correct their mistakes. They get it, so they want to do it.

On a totally unrelated school note: we have a beautiful 12 foot christmas tree again that we (again) got from south of Jackson and had sticking out of my accord all the way back home. It's fully decorated, and our living room has those "old school" lights. It's silly, but it makes us all happy.

2006-12-03T14:55:00.000-08:00

Star of the year

2006-11-24T18:11:00.000-08:00

J.B. He sat in the back right corner of my 5th period Geometry class. Quiet, but usually smiling...we made silent contact quite often during the lessons. Even though I rarely called on him (I should have more), I tried to often acknowledge that his answers were correct. He would mouth or quietly say the answer (always correct) and I would be sure to make eye contact and smile. He would come in every day, one of the first ones in before the bell rang, asking, "We didn't have homework last night, did we?" in which I would usually reply with "Yes, but you already finished it." He always wore his camouflage jacket, had horrible posture, and was either sad and tired, or happy and goofy. I loved J.B. I won't dare erase his name from my rollbook, even after his car accident two Mondays ago. I barely knew him, but he left something with me, as he did his Spanish teacher.

In a year from now?

2006-11-23T20:40:00.000-08:00

I do not know where I will be next year. I do know that I will be teaching. That's what I'm saying now, anyway. Honestly, I haven't had time to think about anything else...seriously...although I have thrown around the idea of starting a restaurant in downtown Yazoo in the once Cheshire Cat antique store with my fellow foodie roommate and writing math workbooks on the side (with the help of some other detail-oriented MTC math geeks...I really don't consider myself that actually ;), but in all reality, I know that I need to stick with what I know and have done and can feel like I've accomplished something everyday.

So now the question is, where? Well, I have a few options.
1. I could stay where I am, teaching where I already teach. Pros: I know the ups and downs of our school, I know the community, I know the kids, and several of them I would get to have again. Also, and most importantly, I wouldn't be leaving the kids and the school...they already have a hard enough time getting teachers. Oh, and I would get to continue living next to the most amazing woman in the world. Cons: Can I do this...again...
2. I could stay where I am, but teach elsewhere, such as Yazoo County (which is a pretty good school from what I've heard) or in Jackson. Pros: new school, perhaps better adminstration and in consequence better behaved kids; if in Yazoo I could save on gas. Cons: Would I be trading apples for apples?
3. I could move up to live with Gramma for a year and teach somewhere in South Bend. Pros: get to know my gramma more than I ever have since I was much younger, get to live in another part of the country and try teaching in a different community with a different culture Cons: I would leave Mississippi...and my friends and students

So who knows. I need to decide soon...I feel too many responsibilities, though. And then I know I need to think about what I'm doing after next year, anyway. Too many possibilities and too many choices. Exciting...and a little scary.

I spoke too soon

2006-11-03T18:16:00.000-08:00

Well...I spoke too soon. I hope this week was just a bad week, and that it's not that last week was the one good week... it has been hard, very hard...

I find myself getting angry all the time. I didn't used to feel like this. I gave a test in Algebra II yesterday, and I thought they were at least mostly ready, and I even let them use their notebooks because it was somewhat more challenging and I didn't want any excuses, and they still fussed the entire time they took the quiz. It's amazing how much all the students complain all day long. It's too cold, it's too hot, they don't have paper, or pencil, or their notebook, or they can't see, or someone has passed gas...I guess it's a typical classroom (I certainly hope not), but lord, it seems to get crazier every day. The students are really out of control... let's talk about today: first, right before 6th period, a group of girls decided to use the fire extinguisher. The hallway was filled with smoke and students were screaming and late to class. Of course. Then, during 6th period we had an assembly for Red Ribbon Week. It took close to 20 minutes to get everyone in there. The nurse had to repeatedly ask, "Teachers, please get your students seated." Our speaker opened up her speech by expressing how shocked she was with the students' poor behavior and disrespectfulness. The entire student body burst out laughing when a particular young lady came up to speak. I was disgusted.

What really gets to me is the lack of interest in learning a dang thing. I'm having a hard time differentiating my learning. I can't make learning fun because I'm not having any fun. They are driving me crazy, and it is showing. I feel like I have no support, and I have really no way to discipline. Yes, I could give detentions that most of them won't go to, and then if they don't go, they are supposed to be given a day's suspension, which most of them would respond with, "I'll take a day at home," with little or no remorse. While the nurse was up there trying to say her thank you's to all who helped and having hard time because students were talking, the principal sat in the back and did nothing. The kids really do run our school. The kids, and their parents.

I know I need to do more disciplining. But the thing is, I don't feel like I could have real consequences for my consequences. I've wondered why some of the other teachers have more control in their classrooms...but I'm not like Ms. R next door to me or Ms. H. down the hall. They are tough, they can be mean, and they even scare me. I don't and can't have that effect. That's not my style. I'm starting to think that I'm just "too nice" for this school. I hate to admit that I can't do this, but really, I think it's coming to that. I hate feeling unsuccessful, tired, and worn down almost every day. I know I must be doing a lot wrong.

I hope that this blog will be followed by a more optimistic one. But right now, I'm just ready for Thanksgiving.

Things are finally getting (a little) easier

2006-10-26T16:09:00.000-07:00

Something is finally starting to change in my classes. There are a lot of factors... more failed the first nine weeks of this year than failed any nine weeks in my classes last year, I am finally getting comfortable and more organized, and the students seem to respect and trust me more. I really am not sure why...this week my first period has changed from my "worst" to my "best" class. They push me on through the lesson...wanting me to go faster (although I try to wait for the majority to catch up) and asking me to give them more homework. They get it and they are eager to get to the work. It is crazy. I actually have felt like I am a teacher.

So this year is easier, but certainly not easy. I have said before it was not...but if nothing else, I do know what to expect. For example, homecoming was not nearly as crazy. I did not attempt to teach, but instead compromised by playing "math-o" all week long... and showed the beloved Donald in Mathmagic Land (for you math teachers, these are both valuable resources on those useless days of state-testing or what-not and I would be more than happy to share.) It varied what the other teachers did...from playing Madden to actually having class (for those veteran teachers with an iron-fist). I mean, it was crazy...but bearable.

And I knew I had to come back strong this week, the first "real" week of the second nine weeks. I had my roll book and gradebook ready to go, and I had a plan. I have made a few minor changes this nine weeks, and so far, it is going better:
1. Not a warm-up everyday-

Everyone says it is good to have this while they are coming in. And, yes, it is good, and my kids can come in and be too crazy, but I had a nasty habit of making them too long...so it would take me begging/reminding them to do their warm-up and then going through it with them for close to 20 minutes everyday, and I didn’t think it was that helpful. By the time we got to the lesson, instead of being interested and ready to go, they were worn out and irritated, as was I. So now-fewer warm-ups, more sets (which were rarely-to-never done prior to now).

2. More frequent, shorter quizzes

This one I took from Meredith. Many kids already have test-anxiety, plus math-anxiety, so give them a long test with a bunch of problems and large blanks and they have already given up. Instead, I’m breaking up the material more with these quizzes. They also are getting feedback faster, and (yeah) it’s easier for me to grade.

3. Delegating!

I’m getting students (who do not really have a class that period) come help me during my planning period. I’m also getting my students to take roll and to help me around my classroom in general, including helping other students. I forget that I don’t have to work as hard and that there’s only one of me and plenty of other resources around me.

4. Take up homework consistently and (if possible) grade it for accuracy so they know what they did wrong. They feel held more accountable and do their work more.

Here are a couple of other fun little tips:

(For math teachers) give a bonus (especially on major tests) that really has very little do to with math- write a poem, draw something (I had them draw a picture using certain angles, lines, and polygons in geometry) that helps those who really just don’t have the math background but really are trying.
Put stickers on graded work. They love it. They get mad when they don’t get one.
Watch a movie while you work on stuff at home. It might not seem like you get as much done, but all in all you are enjoying yourself more and are actually more productive.

I get down, so down, and irritated and want to give up. You've gotta come home and do whatever you need to do to get your spirit up, especially surrounding yourself with animals and people you love. Remember those students who make you want to keep becoming a better teacher, and do it for them.

Remembering what it's like to be a student

2006-10-08T14:48:00.000-07:00

So I, along with three others in the program, went to a 3-day "Tech Prep" workshop. Oh, it was delightful...all of us thought it would be a waste of time. For the 3 of us math teachers, we really enjoyed ourselves... we all had tech prep wrong. We've seen it on our lesson plans, and I usually end up putting "graphing calculators" or "overhead" (which somehow can be included as 'tech prep' at our school). Turns out it really means connecting our lessons to real-life, integrating lesson plans, incorporating skills used in other classes...things I do and need to do more often. Of course, it's always easier on paper than in real-life. It's also easier when you have a classroom that you have control over, but that's another blog...

At one point during the workshop, when we were stuck with the boring-male-instructor, M. and I got stuck working on a math problem...we were so caught up in it that we weren't paying attention (god-forbid). In the midst of our quiet chatter, the instructor came over and asked us a question to try to bring us back to the class. He was clearly annoyed. We had a break soon after that, and when we came back all of us were instructed to change seats so that we were sitting next to someone in a different discipline...just (being teachers now we know) to get M. and I away from each other. After that, the boring-male-instructor got more than just boring...his voice was irritating, the way his mouth moved was almost disgusting, and just about everything he did became annoying.

I realized from this experience what it was like to be a student again...class is way more fun when you get to be by your friend. I was annoyed when we had to move away from each other. I got caught up doing something much more interesting than what we were so-called "learning" in class. After I knew I annoyed the teacher, I disliked him more. I forgot what that all felt like. I can see more why my kids feel and act the way they do.

Gotta be motivated before you can motivate

2006-10-01T10:07:00.000-07:00

I wish I could tell the first years the solution to all homework/motivating problems. Often during mentoring, I find myself questioning what I do and finding possible solutions to my own problems through conversation with my "mentees" more than I feel like I'm actually doing any so-called "mentoring." I certainly don't have the answers. I can listen and I can give suggestions, but I'd love to know what the best thing to do is, too, in a school with very little support. I feel like I'm struggling more this year than last, perhaps because I am more aware of the problems at my school and in my classroom and what I do wrong. I am disappointed in my school and in myself this year. I expected much more from both. With every disorganized and pointless faculty meeting, every loud and uncontrolled assembly, every last-minute decision by the adminstration, and then with every day that I fail to enforce my consequences, every homework assignment that gets graded late, with every student failing, I feel like we're all getting nowhere. I've had my low-lows this year...lower than last year's. I've even felt like giving up. Geometry has been more challenging than I had thought...and with so many failing I know I'm not doing my job. Yet, I have maintained hope, with the help of my roommate, family, and MTC peers. With my grandfather (Pacca) passing away recently, and my brother coming to stay with us for a while, I've had to put things more into perspective. I've realized my sense of purpose more and that others know that I am capable of teaching these students, that my failures are not as bad as I see them, and that my small successes are larger than I think. I'm once again able to look at a bigger picture and not dwell on the everyday issues. I've regained my love of teaching and love (or at least like) for (most) of my students. I've needed to see that others still and have always believed in me, and I've started to regain confidence in myself.

And this is where I'll begin my advice. First, you've gotta have confidence in yourself before you can motivate your studetns. Next, you can't motivate your students to do a dang thing until they know you care about them and about what you're teaching. They've gotta know you'll work with them and for them, that you're in this together (but that they need to pull their own weight.) You've gotta fake it- you've got to be enthusiastic about finding the composition of functions even if they're completely lost and you're about to give up...cuz if you don't, you've really lost them. My first period has been a nightmare many days, and I'm still working on it. Monday-Thursday were small successes; Friday was a disaster (with the "pageant"). I've noticed that I often come into that period with a negative attitude- I already expect the worst from them. I've tried to change that, and it's gotten better. More people are doing their homework. Test grades are (slowly) improving. They know now that I'm on their side and that I'm trying to help them succeed, not fail.

On a very practical matter, I have tried to use Ms. Cornelius's idea (from a first year's blog) to take up one homework assignment once a week by rolling a dice on Friday that indicates which day's homework will be collected. This, unfortunatley, has been unsuccessful. If I were teaching in a highschool where the majority of students did their homework every night already, than this would be a good system. It's also confusing to me because, perhaps shockingly, I'm not organized enough (because of the lack of consistent scheduling by the school) to be able to have a homework assignment monday-thurs. and to take it up Friday. I also find now that students put off their homework til Thursday, making it difficult to teach throughout the week because the presumption that my students are getting their independent practice done for hw at night is false; I can't move on it if they haven't done it on their own.

It's annoying and perhaps I've lowered my expectations, but students are more likely to do their homework if they know I'm checking the next day. What I've done lately is to go around and put a check on their homework during the warm up, just so I know they've attempted about 3/4 of the problems and a check-minus if it's less than that, and then we go over any questions together. Then, I collect it and grade it later.

This all sounds a lot more organized and straight-forward than it really is. I'm still figuring it out. My students need short deadlines with immediate feedback. Perhaps students at other schools are different...I hope they are. I've told my students this...until they can prove to me that they can do their homework every night, then I can't just collect one assignment on Fridays. They have to earn it.

This is a long blog that's kinda gone all over. I wish it were easier. Just don't lose faith.

Returning Seniors

2006-09-02T09:11:00.000-07:00

Last night was the first home football game. Although I was stuck in the ticketbooth, I still got to see a several of my students who graduated last year. I couldn't help but to show my excitement, saying "hi!" in an annoying high-pitched tone, asking them questions about what they're doing now when they probably just wanted to buy their ticket and go in. I even made two of my favorite girls hug me through the ticket window. I couldn't help myself.

I feel such a sense of accomplishment seeing these young men and women who I saw every day (for some of them twice a day in Physics and Trig/Precal) last year in college, reaching their goals. In the beginning of August at teacher orientation when some of us teachers I were eating lunch at Long's Drugstore, one of my former students came in to pick up a club sandwich (which ironically all three of us had ordered,too). When we saw each other we both lit up...he has an infectious, shy smile. I asked him how his summer was and what he had done, and he told me he had taken classes at Tougaloo, one of them being physics. I was excited, and asked how it was, and if he had gotten to electricity (something we didn't make it to last year and I still feel guilty about). He smiled and said no, and that it was easy, that everything we had gone over last year was what was covered in his summer course.

On the next day, we ran into another student who had also taken summer classes, one of hers being college algebra. She had been in my Algebra II class, and was not the best student (simply because she was lazy and was doing too many extracurricular activities during my class). She said it was easy, and that the teacher had even asked her to tutor other students.

I want so much for my students, as I'm sure we all do, and knowing that I'm actually helping some of these kids means more than anything.

Starting out

2006-08-26T14:06:00.000-07:00

I could talk about a lot of things about the first week. But, I'll hit the highlights and talk about the worst and the best changes since last year.

The worst first (to end on a good note):

Scheduling has been an utter nightmare. I know teachers, students, and adminstrators would agree. I didn't find out what I was actually teaching until the day of classes...minutes before we were handed a folder with our homeroom rosters that we called in an auditorium full of enthusiastic, sweaty, and impatient students. I'm not teaching physics this year, which I was fine with because that left with me with two doable preps: Algebra II and Trig/Pre-cal. However, they did not hire another full-time math teacher, and are again sharing a teacher between the junior high and high school. I thought she'd be teaching geometry...but because the junior high had done their schedules first, the periods that she was available to teach in the high school were Algebra II periods (I was told that they did the students' schedules before the teachers' schedules...which is probably where most of the problems lie). So...that means here's my schedule:
1st-Geometry
2nd-Algebra II
3rd-Geometry
4th-Trig/Pre-cal
5th-Geometry
6th-Algebra II
So it's a fun-filled day...I do like having that 7th period off when 6th period rolls around...

Crap, I'm digressing. Back to the first week...

So every day was full of surprises...different students added, taken out, switched to different periods, and switched back to the same periods. Even now, after the fourth week of school, there are still new students being added and schedule changes. Just yesterday I was informed (even though I knew it would happen since I already knew about the overloads) that the other Geometry/Algebra I teacher was overloaded, meaning she has 161 students, 11 above the maximum of 150 total students. She's already taken the other Algebra I teacher's overload of students...so the only way to lower her numbers is to switch 11 of her geometry students to me. But...my geometry classes are already 28, 20, and 28 students. I comfortably (using that word loosely) fit 28 desks in my room. You do the math.

It's impossible to teach in a clear sequence with so many students coming in and out. The first week this year was more disorganized, more thrown together at the last second. But I will say there are a few things that went better....

The Best:
The first week, and since then, have been a bit more peaceful. There still is at least one fight every day...but they're not as big or as often. There are actually some periods that I have walked down the hall, taking the absentee or coming back from a meeting, that I haven't seen students popping their heads in and out of the restroom, dodging teachers, or basically roaming the halls. It seems a bit quiter, a little less wild. Part of this may come from our principal really trying to do a better job this year. We have a band director this year, so he is not trying to do the job of two men. He's more consistent and swift with his discipline. He is more with-it, more friendly, and more of a presence.

Still, even with his change, there are some deeply rooted problems that haven't gone away, mostly pertaining to discipline and support from the adminstration...and organization. I can save that for another blog.

As far as myself as a teacher goes, I will say that I am more comfortable with the responsibility and control of being a teacher. I was not afraid of the kids on that first day like I was last year. Nervous, yes, but not afraid. It's a strange feeling to realize the power you can potentially have over them, by every facial expression, gesture, and word that comes from you. I just still need to figure out how to use all that to my advantage...and to stick firm to what I know I have to do.

You don't know me to teach me

2006-08-07T21:29:00.000-07:00

We had our orientation today. The theme was "Do you know enough about me to teach me?" (I had a Freudian slip when I titled my page: "You don't know about me to teach me."). I did enjoy some of what the speakers had to say. There was one guy who reminded me of a mix between Chris Rock and Eddie Murphy...he did some excellent renditions of students that were somewhere between hilarious and heart-wrenching...of reactions of students to being sent to the office and the believable lies they tell the principal. He had their mannerisms down. Was it cruel? A large majority of the audience of teachers and staff were rolling in their seats. It's good to laugh. It sorta bonded all of us...we've seen that, we've heard that bad grammar, we've seen those dance moves, yes, we know what you're talking about.
So it turns out I still don't know what I'm teaching. I will find out tomorrow. Physics has been passed off to the new science teacher (who is an old teacher of Brooke's from both high school and college) which I'm okay with. I was actually quite excited (understatement) to find out I'd only have 2 preps. That was until...I find out they still have not found another math teacher 2 days before school, and we all know they won't. Then I was told that there are a lot more students enrolled in Algebra II than had been expected. So how's that gonna work? Let's do the math: last year I had 4 classes of Algebra 2, physics, and Trig. So let's say I've got the same for Algebra II, just bigger, than Physics, and Geometry...yet she said I might have 1-2 classes of geometry...so does that mean 3 very large classes of Algebra II? I shouldn't complain, I'll just find out tomorrow.

Spirituality and Learning Styles

2006-06-27T12:26:00.000-07:00

In some of our readings from the technology course, the author has discussed the need to understand where a student is coming from. It’s important for a teacher to try to get to know each student’s academic and cultural background so that she can use this prior way of thinking about the world. Of course, and this has been the argument often with our technology book, it’s a lot easier said than done; practical advice is minimal.

I was again pondering the issue of hand-raising in the classroom the other night, and I was thinking about whether hand-raising is a part of my students’ culture. I’ve heard teachers at my school talk about the only time that our students actually all act properly and respectfully are at church. Most of our students are pretty religious. It’s come up a couple of times in my class, in the few journal writings I had them do and in some assignments. My students were given a worksheet to fill out while watching the movie Donald in Mathemagicland (a must for any K-12 math teacher). At one point towards the end, the low boastful voice of the narrator states that, “The key to the universe is….mathematics!” For my final question, the only one that the students had to answer with their own opinion, I asked “What do YOU think is the key to the future?” The most popular answers (from most to least) were God, mathematics (how ingenuous), and education.

While I don’t regularly attend a black church, I have in the past. My ex-boyfriend started attending one, playing alto sax in the “band” where he was nicknamed Kenny G. That church truly changed him and became a large part of his life; he found his way of being spiritual. The few times I attended I was extremely uncomfortable, a fish out of water. For me, I experience my spirituality in a private, quiet, reflective manner, I guess you could say in a white kind of church. Yet, the people all around me at this little non-denominational black church seemed to be in pure bliss, in a world of their own. I clapped and stood up and swayed when others did just to fit in, but I didn’t feel any spirit. I was envious of everyone there, wanting to feel the way they felt. I believe this is how most of our students express their spirituality- through loud, expressive music, praising God with Amen’s, and moving and clapping together. Being respectful at this black church did not mean listening quietly and sitting in your seat, but instead it meant singing and shouting loudly together when it was known to be appropriate; being proper was letting everyone know when you felt the spirit through actions and praises.

So when my students act their best, in church, they are actively moving and loudly shouting praises. No wonder I have such a hard time getting them to raise their hand and wait to be called on before answering or asking questions, or getting out of their seat. No wonder they erupt in a song in the middle of class, or do a little dance when they do a problem right on the board. It’s who they are, and it’s how they know to act. I learn and am spiritual in the same way- quietly, in my own world. My students do the same.

4 days...

2006-06-27T12:24:00.000-07:00

So here are the top 10 reasons why this summer rocked:

Our Algebra I girls, and guy. They are amazing. I have never seen a group of students want to learn so much. They fight to answer questions, work out problems on the board. They make comments like “This is so easy now” and “My notebook is gonna look like this next year.” They are so proud (and surprised) to make the good grades they’re making. We wanna pack them up and take them with us.
Our 1^st year’s are awesome. They are so ready and willing to learn. I have enjoyed watching them learn, become more confident, and become better teachers in general. They just soak up everything we tell them, but they are finding their own teaching personalities. I’ve learned from them, noticing things they do that I don’t. Their enthusiasm for teaching is refreshing.
Watching 2^nd year’s. Again, this has to do with improving myself. I am actually really looking forward to the fall…I can’t wait to be a better teacher. I teach the way I was taught…and for our kids that’s not always enough. I need to teach much more depth than breadth, and try to integrate more across the curriculum, especially when it comes naturally and last year I just didn’t take (I didn’t really have it any way) the time to make connections.
Classroom management revision…although I wouldn’t use the exact word “rock,” but it did start discussion within our house and with other 1^st and 2^nd years about what works, what problems we had, and how we’ll improve. Seeing one teacher in our presentation group made me realize (again) that my rules, procedures, and all that jazz need to be what I need them to be, for me, not for Ben or for my principal or for anyone (within certain parameters, of course). I lost sight of that somehow, wanting to become a teacher that I never will be.
I got to live in a house full of 7 other amazing people. I must admit I had my worries before June, but we couldn’t have had a better group of people to cook, make fun of Aaron’s shaving and ironing, sit in our camping-chair-living-room, post!, gossip, and learn with. I’ve gotten to know everyone in ways that I hadn’t had the chance to, and now I feel like we’ll actually make the effort to try to visit and keep in touch with one another.
Weekend with the 2^nd years. I fell in love with Jackson all over again, and the genuine appreciation from our guests was overwhelming and unforgettable.
Ultimate.
All the good food: salads in the casserole dish, CA pizzas, Mexican night, Joe’s banquet of a meal, Cuban beans, banana bread, and espresso every morning
Conversations on the bus. Otherwise, I would never have talked or even seen many people.
Running and swimming again.

Southern Gents...and a guy from Massachusetts

2006-06-26T13:31:00.000-07:00

This past weekend with the 1st years was awesome. Or, as Hunter would say, “it was a blast.” I really think we had the best group of guys, ever (no offense to any of the other first year guys!) I’ve never been around such gentlemen. They went out of their way to make sure that Brooke and I knew how much they appreciated all that we did.

We (Ruth, Tiff, Hunter, Chris E., and Landon) went down to Yazoo on Friday. We kinda set up those boys for disappointment in their apartment/house search because our house really is a home. It feels sorta like gramma’s house. Add two cats, a guinea pig, a hamster, a fish, a polar bear, and the best little white-haired saucy 89-year-old neighbor, and there’s no competition. They loved it, and we loved to have a houseful of guests.

Saturday we went to Basil’s, then went on a housing search. Brooke directed me around all of Belhaven. We went down every single freaking street. Good thing we did, because at the dead end of St. Ann’s street they found a duplex that’s about as perfect as you can get in Jackson. While it’s not huge, it’s tucked away back from the street that is surrounded by trees. They were even able to see the house on Sunday…we’ll see how things pan out. In the evening, we all went to Keifer’s and Fenian’s to chill and eat. Oh how I miss Jackson.

So why do we love Jackson so much? I’m not sure…it’s not that pretty, and there’s not that much to do there. I’m sure a lot of it has to do with it being the location of my undergrad years, but there’s more than that. I think Dave Mo put it well when he said there’s not a lot of anything, but there’s one of everything- one art museum, one good Indian restaurant, one good pub, one good college.

So the trip was “a blast.” I got to know those guys in a way that I never would have had the chance to. They’ll make great teachers because they are doing it all for the right reasons. I know they're good guys after I got turned around and almost got us in a wreck and then got us a flat tire…and yet I never heard a word of complaint.

What makes a "bad" school so bad?

2006-06-19T13:24:00.000-07:00

I had a good chat with Mason on the bus today about our respective schools. I knew we both taught at "tough" schools, but we've never really talked about our schools together. My school has been labeled "the second worst school in Mississippi" and also a place where "teachers cannot be successful." His school was taken over by the state. So what are some of the similarities of our "bad" schools?

1. People not working together
Our (I use 'our' not as in Mason and I, but as in all of us in MTC that faced the challenges of our school together) adminstrators did not work together. The top two adminstrators in our school had very different philosophies of education. One adminstrator believes that children should enjoy school, that discipline should only be used minimally to regulate problems after they occur, while the other believes that students are children and need to be guided by rules and structure provided by the staff at school. These different ways of thought resulted in students always wanting to go to one administrator when they got in trouble because they could talk their way out of any situation.

This difference in views caused harm to every other aspect of the high school. Teachers who asked about an issue would get two different answers. Each administrator would often make decisions without concurring with the other, resulting in the next similarity…

2. Complete disorganization
We often did not find out about any assemblies, bell schedule change, pep rallies, or anything else that effected the normal routine except from overhearing our students talk about it during the day. For example, we did not find out the final exam schedule (which exams will be given on which day) until the day of exams, and this changed two or three times after we received the schedule.

The most consequential implication of this disorganization is the lack of a consistent discipline ladder…

3. Lack of rules and consequences
In the beginning of the year, we were told that we were all going to enforce the rules and that the students weren’t going to get away with not wearing the uniform and using cell phones like they had done in the past. Later on in the year during an assembly in which the principal was lecturing the students on the need to be respectful and follow rules, his cell phone rang in mid-sentence, and he answered it…

We have no discipline ladder. While they tried to use detention as a consequence, it didn’t work because the next consequence was not enforced – if you skip detention, you will be suspended. Students would skip, knowing nothing would happen. They could skip class because teachers stopped writing students up because it was yielding no results.

If teachers and staff alike not only knew but actively used the rules together, perhaps they could achieve what similarity four says we don’t…

4. No common vision or unity
I have heard veteran teachers speak longingly of a past principal who had all students (and I would guess the faculty/staff) sing the school song every morning and at every assembly. Our school is extremely disconnected, with each classroom seen as a separate entity with its own set of rules and procedures. Students know which teachers make them wear uniform shirts (you can see them borrowing shirts and turning theirs inside-out) and which ones they can’t skip.

Academically, the only time our school rallies together to perform well is during state-testing. During this time, posters were put on the walls, students came regularly to tutorial, and teachers became encouraging. I wish that we could this same positive energy for learning in other ways, so that we could overcome the next problem…

5. School is for socializing, not learning.
The only reason that out of school suspension sometimes works is because our students actually want to be in school so that they can see all the fights, flirt, “show out,” and generally not get behind in the gossip. They don’t come to class prepared because they don’t take school seriously. They come to talk, and if we try to teach, we’re getting in their way.

All of what I said above certainly does not apply to every student, teacher, or staff member. There certainly are the wonderful exceptions. Our secretary works her butt off to try to make the chaos thrown at her somewhat organized. There are students who want to educate themselves with as much as our classes can provide them. There are teachers who use rules consistently and accurately, not needing any more consequences provided by administrators because it never gets past their room.

But, there is so much need for improvement. I didn’t leave because I know these kids need me (and other teachers who try and care) more than they even know, even if it might hurt me at times.

How to start the year (assigned)

2006-06-19T04:07:00.000-07:00

One thing I plan to do differently at the beginning of this school year is to implement more procedures, have the students actually practice them more, take longer doing so, and assess them on their knowledge of the procedures (give them a test in which one question will be like, “Where does your butt need to be when the bell rings?”) Besides the first year teachers with very few discipline problems (which are those rare teachers who actually took heed to the advice that we heard from day one), I’m sure most of us will do something similar to what I have described.

A fellow teacher told me that at one school, a young, white, blonde, and small first year teacher was not expected to have any classroom management skills at a “tough” school. She went in there and made her students practice procedures for first couple of weeks. That’s all they did; she didn’t teach them anything about literature, writing, or grammar (I believe she was an English teacher). She ended up having the fewest discipline problems among the first-year teachers, and I believe even in comparison to many of the veteran teachers she worked with.

I don’t want to spend weeks and weeks teaching my students how to be on time and how to act in my class. Perhaps a week…because they need to get in into their heads how they are not only expected to act in my class, but must act in my class. I’ve gotta be firmer, whether I like it or not first. I’m not an authoritative teacher, have never been and will never be. I smile a lot, I like to laugh. It’s not my teaching personality, but from day one I’ve got to get them into the groove that they’ll be in for the rest of the year- they will have to follow certain rules and procedures so that they can learn a lot and enjoy it in the process.

It seems kinda silly to think so much about something so simple and seemingly trivial, but I keep changing my philosophy on whether students need to raise their hand before asking/answering questions. At first I thought yes, then in class it worked better (I thought) to allow open answering during the lesson, then I reverted back when I was evaluated, then it gradually changed back into free-for-all responses. Even in summer school, I didn’t want to make a class of 11 wonderful students have to raise their hands. And it was fine, but our first-years were having some issues with too much chatting (the students were getting too comfortable) and now get them to raise their hand before answering questions. The students haven’t been deterred from being as participatory as they were. They still love to volunteer and work out problems on the board. But, it is just in a more organized way. So, in the end, I’m going to do the hand-raising procedure. Kids need to be given clear instructions on how to act and behave, and instead of saying “Sometimes you need to raise you hand, but if I tell you that you don’t have to then you can answer without raising your hand.” It’s even confusing right now to try to quote myself on what I’d say.

I am going to really try to do what we have always been told to do - make realistic rules, consequences, and rewards that we can use, and stick to them.

one student (assigned)

2006-06-08T21:04:00.000-07:00

So I’ll just call him…Dave, just for the heck of it. Dave, oh Dave. He drove me crazy for most of the year. We had two parent conferences. I tried calling his mom, and talked to her, only to have him come back the next day complaining to his friends that I called his mom. And I know she didn’t do any kind of disciplining. She’s a sweet mother, too sweet than he needs right now. Yet…I know he hasn’t had it easy. His father died not long ago, and she’s doing what she can. He has a temper, and I really expect he has ADD. I’ve learned the hard way that you have to learn to talk to students in different ways, knowing how they are and how they react. Dave didn’t pay attention in class. He isn’t a note-taker, as he proclaimed, which really would have almost been okay (except for the notebook checks) but he wasn’t paying attention anyway. He was flirting, with me and any other female in the room.
Yet, I never could help being concerned for him. I’ve seen him play basketball several times. He’s the team captain. While in school, he rarely wears the correct uniform shirt and never tucks it in on his own. Yet, when he’s on that court, he keeps them all in line. He makes sure all the boys have those jerseys tucked in. He’s respectful to the coaches and the ref’s. I know he wanted it, but he wasn’t a ball-hog; in fact, I would say the team would have played better if he hadn’t passed so much. He was aggressive, and I could see him getting mad, but it seemed more at himself than at anyone else. I could see the goodness in him.
I’ve seen it in the classroom before, too, but it was only once in a blue moon. He told me, and I agree, that he should have been in a different period, one that wasn’t full of so many of his friends to play around with. They looked up to him, and he naturally assumed the role as one of the lead clowns. He was supposed to be the bad boy, and he was. He couldn’t take tests and quizzes with people around, and would often check out of school so he wouldn’t have to, so that he could make it up later during my planning period or after school so he could concentrate and have my full attention. He needed lots of attention, lots of prodding, and a lot of assurance.
I guess I chose Dave to blog about because I think he’s like a lot of students. He’s had it hard, and he’s not nearly as bad as he seems. He’s around friends and cute girls, and he’s showing out. He’s smart, oh was he bright when he wanted to be; he certainly has it in him. So many of them do, but they don’t have the will and they don’t have the strength to be a “nerd” in a classroom full of friends who don’t care. One of my physics students told me that Dave was a softie, that she had dated him back in elementary school and he was nothing but sweet, that he had cried, and that he was bullied. I believe it, and I wish students didn’t have to be so mean. I wish caring was the cool thing.

a few thoughts, that could be advice (assigned)

2006-06-08T20:57:00.000-07:00

Oh let’s see...some advice for the first-years...

1. Be flexible. I finally learned that every day I went in, anything could happen. I often found out about assemblies, pep rallies, or a shortened day from my students asking me about it, not from the administrators. In the beginning, I tried to keep my four Algebra II classes all together, on the same lesson, on the same example, with the same homework. You must not be rigid in your lesson planning, but instead be able to “catch” periods up by shortening lessons or giving a shorter assignment, or to have extra work for those that are ahead. Know that it’s certainly okay for the lesson not to go as planned, because I never knew when my kids would get a concept quicker than I had anticipated, and when they were confused enough to cause an extra day or two of discussion. Just be flexible; you never know what the school or your kids will throw you.

2. Be firm, but be fair and consistent. I should have been firmer from the start, everyone says that. You may have to learn the hard way, but stick to your rules and consequences. You don’t have to be mean, but let them know you mean business. And DO NOT play favorites, as tempting as it may be. If you favorite A+ student breaks the same rule as the one you send to the office every other day, you need to try to give them the same consequence. It’s only fair, and the students notice everything you do, and being inconsistent is one of the first things they will “call you out” on.

3. Be organized, from the very beginning. Keep all the documents, etc. you have to keep and fill out in the beginning some place you can come back to at the end of the year. Try to keep your lessons and their materials together. Try to have some kind of system to collect and pass out student work. Any organization will make your life that much easier.

4. Have some kind of routine in your classroom. I really believe that students like to do the same thing almost every day. It makes them feel comfortable, a part of the classroom culture. The schedule should be about the same. For me, it was the warm up, notes and examples, and start homework. Boring, perhaps, but it made my life easier and let the students know what to expect every day. Of course, you’ve gotta change it up, have a math game, do some group work, etc, but don’t throw them something new too often, but just enough to keep them interested.

5. Don’t spread yourself too thin. Don’t volunteer to help out with homecoming after you have duty at the basketball game after you had after school tutorial. Know your limits, and learn to say no sometimes. I think administrators take advantage of the new kids, because we generally are harder workers, more energetic, and don’t say no. Don’t let veteran teachers take advantage of you. You have the same rights, and they have the same responsibilities. You need some time for yourself, however little it may be at times.

Commencement and other endings

2006-05-30T14:28:00.000-07:00

Graduation was last Friday. It was also our last day for teachers. It was a crazy day of spending four hours with seniors on the football field for graduation practice and then frantically trying to get all of our paperwork done to get "cleared" before 5pm to help with the actual commencement. I got irratated with senior sponsors who don't delegate and want to have complete control...I know I could help and do more if I only knew what I was doing. But hey, it's all over now.

Graduation was pretty nice. I had helped with the Baccalaureate service as well, and I love helping the seniors get ready, pinning on corsages and boutaneirs...I felt motherly. Some of these seniors I can't help but love, and I'll miss some of them. I realized that after graduation. I got to hand out these little "gifts," just a keychain that has '06 on it. But it gave me the chance to get in a few hugs... well here are a few of the things that I will miss from this year...
-hearing a sweet "hi" as soon as she came in the room at 7:55 am
-1st period's clown who answered all my questions right, and then acted like he knew nothing
-my physics class...Stacy always getting it with such ease, others taking longer, always pushing them a little further even though they knew they'd do whatever I told them to do
-cathoogie dance
-the 3rd period girls...so smart but with such an attitude
-5th period boys who were oh so bad but could be so good when he wanted
-a handful of 5th period girls who had steadfastness in a classroom of hooligans
- singing
-a 7th period girl whose incessant questioning often confused her and me more than helping
-a physics guy's smile
-a 5th period girl's complete change from one of my least to one of my favorite hard-working students
-the farmer boy's earnestness
-a girl in 1st period saying, "You're the only teacher that gives out progress reports...I like that." when I thought she was about to complain

I won't ever forget many of these students. Lord, I can't believe this first year is over. I've learned a lot what to do, but even more what NOT to do. Perhaps that will be the next blog...

THE senior trip

2006-05-20T14:53:00.000-07:00

I somehow never wrote about the senior trip... oh yes, the SENIOR TRIP to Orlando: 43 seniors, 5 chaperones, 2 (perverted) bus drivers, 1 bus. We had a blast.

We left on a Tuesday evening... mind you we had a full day of school that day and were missing the next 3 days simply because of a 5 day trip to Florida (a very worthy reason, of course). We drove that night, and arrived at the best McDonald's any of us have ever had the pleasure of dining in. It was lovely inside, and had a separate "bistro" menu that was much more upscale (and yes, more expensive) than the regular menu. All the girls freshened up in the bathroom after the long bus drive, and then we were all off to Wet and Wild.

All of the students and chaperones, besides those that didn't want to get wet (duh) enjoyed Wet & Wild. Ms. Evans, Mr. James, and I went around with the kids on the slides...they got a kick out of us having fun with them and not being scared (some were). Actually, what I had initially been afraid of was the fact that most of these kids couldn't swim...but luckily this never became an issue. I will never forget going down "Disco H20" with Ms. Evans, Remington, and Bill...we made it just so that Rem was facing backwards the entire ride, and his facial expressions were priceless, as was hearing Stacy (a stoic, smart football player) scream all the way down every ride he went on.

We also had fun at Universal Studios, Islands of Adventures, and Grad Night at Disney World. I won't get into all the details, but I spent a mix of time with just Ms. Evans (we rode every ride we could at Disney world...no lines!!!) as well as with the kids and the chaperones. I felt I got to know everyone better, especially Mr. Holton who I now both love and respect...his sense of humor, way of talking, and kindness are unmatched.

I would do it all over again...I don't feel like I "chaperoned" quite enough, although I did more than most of the other sponsors but I could only do so much without support from everyone. Next year, the rising seniors I have heard (and witnessed) are another breed. Yet,
I'll probably be (and would like to be) a senior sponsor again next year, simply because I have a lot of them as students and because I will have the experiences from this year to guide me.

The seniors keep saying, "I'm grown now." (which sometimes, according to Ms. evans, is then followed with "Can I have your number?) I don't know how many of them are really ready for college...they'll find themselves not as cool or as smart or as cute as they are seen at HCHS. It'll be quite interesting to see how they will change, as many of them have told me they will come visit me next year. I hope they do.

She'll find her own way

2006-04-29T19:15:00.000-07:00

So my best friend isn't in the program anymore. Dropped like pancake batter on a skillet. Lord knows what she thinks and feels and what I think and feel, and although this blog is supposed to be some kind of sanctuary in which we can post our true feelings and thoughts for all to read, uncensored, I still don't feel like it's completely appropriate to do that, here.

Still, let me say a few things.

1. First, Brooke is probably the most genuine, kind, giving human being I have had the pleasure of knowing, and I consider myself to be one of the luckiest people in Mississippi to have gotten to not only share a home and dog with her, but to also teach at the same school. She is the truest friend I have ever had.

2. No one should ever question her abilities and her will to do good. She will teach next year. She will pass all the necessary tests, and she will find her own way to do what she wants and needs to do, for herself and for the students at school. She would not let her students down whom she has told she will be back next year to teach, sponsor SCA, and help coach softball.

3. This program, or whoever made the final decisions, did not act professionally. They did not treat her with the respect, courtesy, and openness/honesty that any honest organization should. She was not given adequate notice with clear, explicit guidelines that she had to follow. In fact, she was led on to believe things that were simply not true. She was pursued and was given false hope. When notice was finally given of her insufficient qualifications, it was too late and she did not have a plan B that she would have had if she had known that there was a possibility of falling through the program.

4. It is impossible to say that she was to know these guidelines already. Although she did know of test passing requirements, she did not know of deadlines. It is also impossible to say it was understood that she had passed the test because she and the program coordinator actually met the day that she was taking this test, and she told him that day of this fact. Why would anyone take a test that he or she had already passed? How would someone not know that she had not taken and passed that test, considering she was there taking that test?

I will continue in a program that I have lost some respect for and that I do not believe always acts in the best interests of the students and teachers of Mississippi. Brooke clearly believes in the ideas that this program stands for. I'm not sure all of us in it, teachers and staff, do the same.

State Testin'

2006-04-29T18:53:00.000-07:00

One thing I've discovered that HCHS is lacking (among many other things) is a school spirit, a cohesion that unites the school. I guess that's corny and unrealistic, but I feel like the students, teachers, administrators have no common purpose. We're all there doing our own thing and no one really knows what anyone else is doing and really most don't care as long as it doesn't interfere with them and if it does, man, do you hear them complaining. I wish most of these kids came to school because they wanted to learn, and that most of the teachers came because they wanted to teach... but there is time of the year that the whole school seems to come together...
State tests were last week. Tues.-Thurs. we held classes, and after the test, the kids went wild in the gym, then they went to "classes" that involved activities like watching Scary Movie 4 and playing Madden (I admit, I am at fault, too). The whole freaking school year is centered on state tests. Students only go to tutorial for state-tested subjects, only care about doing work and studying for state-tested subjects, the two experienced (and actually good) math teachers are in one room together teaching state-tested Algebra I. I heard students complaining about teachers who did not teach to the test but taught from a book. What the hell is wrong with this picture? I understand the purpose of NCLB, and the state tests, but when has school only been about meeting the requirement of enough passing some test? These students have pressure on them, and the teachers and schools have it, too, and that's really their biggest concern. Perhaps it's just a dream to think of a school where the majority of the students are their to learn, and the state test are just one extra little test that can be taken with no thought of too many not passing, because the kids are already prepared and confident and ready to go.
On a different note, I gave the Algebra I test Friday. I was scared to death. I felt the weight of the school on me, and I knew I had to keep them silent and not let them cheat. But I got them quiet, and put them in alphabetical order, and did all that other test administering stuff, and it was the quietest class I have ever had. No one said a word. Of course they already know the pertinence of their test performance; the school has made that clear since the beginning of school. As I walked around the room for over 3 hours, I got bored and read some of the questions, figuring out the answer in my head, and checking it on student's answer sheets to see who had gotten that particular answer correct (of course making no sounds or gestures, just looking) and sadly, many of them hadn't gotten those correct. I hope they did well. And I hope the school can move forward, and that every test a student takes they will take as seriously as those state tests.

Hope from a college town

2006-04-01T10:13:00.000-08:00

Over spring break, which is now sadly coming to its final stretch, Brooke and I went to gramma's in south bend. Gramma actually was a high school french teacher, and made a good friend while teaching - Joel. Joel has become a part of our family in his own funny way...he helped my brother and I make numerous summer movies with such titles as Adryon of Compost Pile... he''s a spanish teacher still now (about my parent's age) at John Adam's High School in south bend. Wanting to get a different view of a high school in a different place with different demographics, Brooke and I arranged a morning visit. About 1200 students attend this school...but man...I have never seen facilities like this. My high school had 2000 students by the time I graduated, and we did have very nice facilities, but nothing like this. It's sorta like being in an airport, or a subway, or a mall...the gym is beautiful, the classes are spacious with several windows in each room. The cafeteria has separate round tables with disconnected chairs, with a few booths, and a "food court" with different meal options. This is a public high school which, although immaculately designed, still, according to Joel, has many of the same problems that we do at Humphreys (just on a smaller scale). He doesn't like the principal...and they still have problems with student apathy and skipping lunch, etc. However, when we walked along the beautiful hallways not a single student was seen skipping. Hey, maybe they're just better at hiding.
We sat in on one of Joel's spanish classes, a mix of 3rd and 4th year spanish students (there's even a 5th year class because some got to take spanish in middle school). How he manages to teach two classes in one period is a mystery to me. It was obvious that Joel is a great teacher. He is enthusiastic, with his main goal being to keep the students engaged and include everyone. The students were not amazing-not all were interested, some were chit-chatting during the spanish conversations, and some purposely tried to get off-topic by the typical clowning. Yet, all he had to do was say "shhhhh" and they chatter subsided enough to continue the lesson. It was what a classroom should be. After 1st period, Joel had two of his students walk us over to the precalculus teacher, a 37 year veteran who at first sight seemed strict and emotionless, but while talking to her (the students were taking a quiz) we found her to be warm and helpful, giving me (without me even asking) tips on such important details as homework policies, grading, quiz-giving, notebooks, warm-ups...things that I desperately want more input on.
We did get to meet a few of the other teachers, some who remembered and knew my grandmother. In particular, the latin teacher, an eccentric older man with long gray hair (who Joel said sometimes talks to him so long between classes they have been late getting to their next class) said that working with teachers like gramma is rare...she was energetic, passionate, kind, and genuine. I, of course, had to let her know what past colleagues thought of her.
It was good to see another high school, to be the observer, to see good teachers at work, to see students still engaged and working on a half day of school 2 days before their spring break...what makes these students so different than ours? While the student body is about 48% anglo, there is a good mix (as seen in the 2 classrooms I observed) of blacks, hispanics, asians, and other foreign exchange students (one girl in Joel's class was from Argentina). I forgot to state that this is a magnet school for international students...and that the students are mix of children from lower-income families to students of professors at Notre
Dame.
I do feel refreshed. I feel ready (enough) to tackle these last final 2 months...although I didn't get near what I wanted to get done done. But heck, I don't feel like I wasted it at all. I got to spend to spend joyful moments with Gramma, Pacca, Joel, Aunt Onnie, Uncle Sam, Donna Lynn, Mom, Dad, Manchester, and Brooke. Joel, gramma, and other teachers have given me both hope and pride in what we do...I've got to try to get some of my classes under control, and now I have a little bit more will to try something.

lockdown

2006-03-07T19:25:00.000-08:00

Today was hell, for the kids and for us.

Some things that happened weren't too far from normal, or at least we have been through it before: we held first period til 5th period, we weren't allowed to let our kids in the hall, there was a fight in the hallway this morning... but there was more going on today than normal. We were on "lockdown," meaning no one could leave the classrooms. Then, employees from central office showed up, as well as the entire Belzoni police department (or at least 10 of them) collecting all cell phones and checking all the students' bags (of course most of them managed to hide them anyway...I was torn between helping the kids from getting phones taken away that they might actually really need for a job afterschool or to call their mom and following all the rules strictly in that they aren't supposed to have phones in the first place). Then they searched all the lockers...after cutting all the locks first. This, of course, resulted in many complaints from students who paid good money for their locks, only to have them cut without their permission. We could hear their lccks clank loudly onto the linoleum floor while they rummaged through the students' belongings. They felt violated. They didn't understand how any safety fear could justify such an intrusion of their privacy.

But really, that wasn't the worst of it. I loved having first period. We finished our work (really, they can only simplify radicals and convert to rational exponents for so long) so they played hangman, cleaned my board, graded homework, did make-up work...I got stuff done, and they were a joy to keep for four hours. Then the bell rang...and 5th period came. Night and day. I hate them...well...not all of them...of course I don't hate them, I just hate the way they treat me. Too many of them have no respect. I came in from the hallway to find ten of them hovered around the window, watching the cops outside to see what was up. Most complained about the strong scent from my boards getting cleaned, or it was too hot, or too cold, or they were ready to go to lunch, or they were refusing verbally to do work, or were voicing other opinons about the day's events. I informed them we weren't going to lunch until they were quiet, until we did some work...they laughed in my face (some, anyway). We stayed 15 minutes late. At lunch, I heard and saw many of the worst-behaving boys talking to our principal about "giving me a pink-slip." I just smiled...knowing that they would never fire me for making students work and attempting to get them to be quiet and (heaven-forbid) learn something.

I know I generalize too much. This class isn't all bad, and it takes just a few to sour the whole class. They drive me crazy. They make me want to cry, to give up, to sit down and not even try. But I won't let them, and they even recognized that today when I wouldn't relent to not doing some work. And, suprisingly, I think they actually liked that I wouldn't give in so easily.

I need to do something...I barely have a grip over them...when I wouldn't let them go to lunch, they threatened to just get up and go, and they kept trying, and I wouldn't let them, and they would sit down. So I have something, however thin, to hold onto. I just need a much stonger hold, or I'll lose it for the rest of this year. And unfortunately, I think I'll see the same 3 guys that ruin that class again next year...

So who knows what tomorrow will hold. Will we hold classes again? The students had to take everything home today from their lockers...notes and papers and worksheets scattered all across the halls....books and notebooks stolen...just out of spite, or amusement, or who knows what else. I don't know how I could have a notebook check now, much less how I will expect them to have a notebook to carry around all day with their 6 other notebooks (that is, if they actually do work in all their classes). We will just have to see. I have to say, I am very glad Ms. Evans' door is around the corner...it's nice to have support so close.

I don't blame the administration for taking such extreme action...obviously their was a serious safety issue. The students don't understand how much more important it is to be safe, even if it results in an intrusion of privacy.

through the thick of it

2006-03-03T19:48:00.000-08:00

My first two parent-conferences were this week. It seems that our vice-principal is trying to discipline more, a job that is really not even hers, but hey, someone's gotta do it, and the man in charge certainly isn't. (As a side note, during a professional development this week, one of our beloved math teachers told us freely of her comments to our principal, "You possess no characteristics of a leader..." Which I am sure she said in her usually very firm, sincere, yet kind and caring way. I wish we all had that nerve and strength in one's opinions.) For some reason, I think our assistant principal likes me. Perhaps it's because I don't bother her nearly as much as I should, and I don't call enough parents or require enough parent-teacher conferences, etc., as another fellow teacher corps member does. But the conferences went okay...One of them is no longer skipping my class and is still serving 6 days of detention (which is NOTHING considering our detention is only for 20 min.), and the other guy just got done with 2 days of suspension for something related to smoking (that he argued he didn't do). Clearly, our school desperately needs a discipline ladder.
Many teachers who have been there for years and put up with probably more than they should are seriously considering leaving. They keep saying that the "kids are out of control." And they aren't blaming the kids...They blame the administration. And it's true, the students have no fear. They know that, more than likely, even if they skip class, even if they get written up, several times even, that nothing will probably happen. This is probably the reason why when they do get called in to the office and receive some form of discipline, they get so mad. They're used to getting away with murder, and why shouldn't they? It worked so many other times!
They are supposed to work on discipline this summer...which I pray they do. Brooke and I have discussed transferring to a different school that is more organized and more supportive, and I know Tiffany will probably not be here next year (which does make me sad to think of not being able to call to borrow calculators/graph paper/test cd's from a very happy voice). I know our vp tries, and goodness knows that our secretary works her hardest, but we need a strong leader. We all know that, even our vp. I wish that same math teacher could be our principal. I am lucky enough to be in the room next to hers, and it is comforting to here her booming voice instructing students how to factor (in Algebra I) while I try to teach my students.
Some days, I enjoy teaching. Others, it's a struggle to hold it together, to keep them interested and to understand what I am trying to teach them. Sometimes I am ill-prepared, sometimes I've got it all together.

Some "happies" that have kept me going in harder times:
1. An "anonymous" note from a very sweet, quiet, introverted, intelligent young woman that is meant to remind me that she is glad I am there, she appreciates my hard work, and not to let others bring me down because some of them do care and I am helping them.
2. The other day one of my favorite feisty students asked me "Why do we always have to work in here?" I replied, "Because I care about you, and I want you to get a good education." She surprisingly happily replied with, "Well we care about you, too, Ms. Wong."
3. My dog, Manny the Man man. He is a lovely retreat to take me away from the hooligans at school.

A fairly good reward

2006-02-18T20:22:00.000-08:00

I have a reward system, similiar to many others in the corps. Throughout the week I give out tickets to my students. It could really be for anything...it's up to me...it is nice to have power... I might give one out for a student volunteering coming to the board and working out a warm-up problem. Or I might give one out to students who get A's on a test. Perhaps a shy student who doesn't do too well is asking me more questions. In my worse-behaving classes, I might give them out to all the students who are doing exactly as I had asked the entire class to do, just being quiet and taking notes. I might give one out to someone who helps me clean the board or collect calculators. They hold on to them until after class. They rip them in half, and are responsible for keeping up with their half of the ticket. I have separate containers for each class period, and on their way out of the classroom, they put their ticket in the container that I am holding. Every Monday (used to be Fridays, but it's a nice way to start the week) I draw 3 tickets, reading the number that matches their half of a ticket: one for a homework pass, one for a free test question, and one for cookies (usually 6, sometimes I buy them, sometimes I bake them, depending on my time). The student picked first gets to pick which "prize" she wants, then the next student chooses what's left, and so forth. If a student gets their ticket drawn twice the same day, it doesn't matter; they only win once (which has happened often). I dump out the tickets every 9 weeks, but really, I think it should be more often, maybe every twice a 9 weeks or once every 2 or 3 weeks, because so many students lose their tickets that I waste a lot of time reading tickets that no one has anymore.

So that's it! They love it. It gets students to go to the board to work problems more than anything else. I need to try to find more ways to give them to the quiet, yet hard-working students. Oh, and I do have one rule: If you ASK for a ticket (after doing a good deed or working a problem) you don't get one. They should be rewarded for what they do, not do things to be rewarded (which I'm sure they do sometimes anyway). Sometimes a classmate might suggest another student deserves one, as a gentle reminder to moi.

Not too creative, but you'd be surprised how much they want those tickets...

Algebra is just Algebra, I s'pose (January Post)

2006-01-27T20:16:00.000-08:00

This past Wednesday, Tiffany, Meredith, and I were lucky enough to attend a professional development workshop for Algebra I. I will say that the woman training us was definitely very well informed and knew plenty about the curriculum, and I do believe her heart is in the right place. We sat there for 2 hours putting together four 2 inch binders of lesson plans, notes, assessment, motivators, and basically any other "how to be a teacher" material, wondering why we were there since none of actually teach Algebra I. Although some found it a complete waste, I actually found some of the material helpful...and I wouldn't mind keeping those binders as a resource. But why would I? I teach Algebra II, right? Not really. It dawned on me that everything I have "taught" thus far in my Algebra II class was part of the Algebra I state test. They were supposed to have learned it then, most of them in 9th grade, in Algebra I. Then they took Geometry (with a teacher last year who was a nice, intelligent man who simply chose to teach very little, and therefore the students did very little). Then they have me, for Algebra II, which is really just Algebra I again, except this time not in the "I Can" computer lab but in a classroom setting.
So the professional development was not a complete waste for me. It led me to the realization that I have been re-teaching my kids, and yet they still, for the majority of them, don't get it. They have no excuse, right? Well, I brought this revelation to most of my classes yesterday (Thursday) in hopes to understand. It usually went something like this (I brought this up while my students were copying some unusually long notes on factoring)
"I realized yesterday in an Algebra I workshop that everything I have taught this year, you learned in Algebra I."
Now the responses varied, but usually, there was an overall "Nawww!" followed by "I have learned a lot this year."
So then I was confused. I knew from looking at the Algebra I curriculum that I had not covered anything new. So I questioned further, asking whether they didn't remember, or what happened to this prior knowledge? It seems that for the juniors, the first to be on the computers for the "I Can" program, what they learned they learned FOR THE TEST. They became excellent at picking from the multiple choice answers. They excel in the process of elimination. However, they skipped the step of actually mastering concepts, of understanding something enough to apply it, explain it, do it on a regular paper and pencil test with no multiple choice answers but just a blank spot to "show all your work," as they do now in Algebra II. I took a poll in my first period class to see who would rather still be on the "I Can" computers, and who would rather be in the classroom. The below and average-performing students would rather be in the classroom. The above-average students would rather be on the computers. And these are the students that I feel sorry for, because I (and their classmates) are holding them back. They mastered these concepts, and are ready to move on, and I can't, because the rest (the majority) of the class would be dragged along. It's cruel and unfair, and I wish our school had more Honors classes for the purpose of pushing the high-performing students, instead of always forcing them to settle for mediocrity.
So in conclusion, I suppose I have taught (some) of my students this year something. And for a few, a lot, and for a lot I have taught a little. I do hate what high-stakes testing has done to the curriculum for these subject-areas. It's no longer about finding a deeper understanding of fewer things, but instead being able to check off a long list the required skills that are supposed to be acquired during Algebra I. But just because they do well on that multiple choice test on the computer, do they really get it? Could they work it out on paper? Will they forget it in a year when they have to relearn it again in a classroom setting? Doesn't it seem like something much more worthwhile could be going on here, with better planning and teaching and reasoning behind the teaching and planning? I don't know. I'd like to think so.

Winter Reflections

2005-12-07T19:44:00.000-08:00

I'm not really sure how to reflect...I still don't feel like a teacher, or know that much about teaching, yet I suppose I am teaching, most days. Sometimes I would just love to kick back and hang out with my kids, there are some truly great ones, but that would make the fact that I look younger than them anyway even worse.

I know I've come a long way, that I have started learning what it takes to actually teach a large group of students a substantial amount of information while keeping them somewhat interested...that I have just tipped my toes in the pool of genuine discipline that will help shape my students into adults. I think a lot of us would admit we don't really know what we're doing. I take it day by day, never knowing what program or state-testing will be taking place during the day that we will not be informed of before-hand, and only to find out after some my students tell me about it, which will of course greatly interfere with my lesson plans (if they are done).

The summer training attempted to be a "boot camp" to get us in shape as quickly as possible. Although some of the classes were helpful, such as the team-teaching, there really is nothing that could have truly prepared us. You can't know what it's like to be in a school, in a classroom, full of 20 odd students who don't necessarily want to learn anything you are supposed to teach them, under an under-staffed and over-worked administration. How could you be trained for that, how could you prepare? You hear the stories, you learn about the history and culture, but every school is different. Even within the same school, teaching the same subjects, each one of my classes has a very different mood, demeanor, work ethic, sense of humor, and within that class each has its remarkable students, its clowns, and the ones who simply don't try, giving up before they have even started. It's this delicate balance, this intricate network of people, that makes it impossible to formulate one method to teach, and be able to teach someone to teach.

And even after it's all been said and done, and a gradebook and senior dues money have been stolen (yes), I still love teaching. I still love my kids...too much unfortunately because I let them get away with way too much. I just don't want to send the kid out who talks way too much and can't sit still when I know he's smart enough (if he applied himself) and needs to be in the class to hear the lesson. But I've gotta send them out, I have to for the sake of my sanity, and for the other students, and even for that disruptive student, because otherwise he/she will never learn, but I seem unable to learn this.

The most rewarding feeling is to actually witness children learning because of me... several of my students argued with the chemistry teacher over an order of operations rule, that she had done incorrectly, that I had taught them correctly months back. All of the students coming to our (Brooke and I) ACT tutorial have increased their scores...there are other small triumphs , and this is what I have to remember when K. and L. and N. pour water into each other's seats so they will sit in it and get their "booties wet", and my 5th period class doesn't shut up, again, and a long evening of tutorial, then duty, then basketball duty selling tickets by the freezing door....as our sweet wonderful amazing 89-year-old neighbor (who has the energy level of a twenty-something year old) says, "It's good that you're still young."

Motivating

2005-11-28T20:47:00.000-08:00

I loved getting complaints today about how we always work, how I never have a "free day," how I never sit back at my desk. My assistant principal told me she hears that they have to do work as soon as the bell rings (why this is a big deal, I don't know). Of course, the struggle is to get ALL of them to actually come in on time, with a pencil and paper, and start the work as soon as they get in there. It amazes me when someone asks for a pencil after we've been in class 10 min. What can we do to truly motivate the students who really could care less? I am having success with a few previous troublemakers after they have actually done well on quizzes or tests, or I have devoted more time and attention to.

Math is a funny subject to teach, because for the most part students have already decided if they are good at it or not. If they are, they can be overconfident, refusing to ever do homework or take notes. If they aren't, they give up before they even begin. If I can find something they are good at (such as graphing for one poorer performing student) then they can use this to motivate them to work toward understanding. I just wish they all had a better math basis that I could build upon.

Master of the Overhead

2005-11-27T15:34:00.000-08:00

One of the biggest changes in my teaching from this summer (as apparent after reading some of these blogs) is the way I lesson plan. It was funny to read about my struggles with the overhead...how I revealed too much at first, and it was out of focus. My lesson plan is often now just in overhead form, especially in Algebra II. It's all written out, in permanent ink, with appropriate blanks and room to work out examples with a vis-a-vis. After each period, I wipe off the ink, and I'm ready to go again. By the 5th period, I've worked out all my kinks (if there are some) and skip over parts that aren't necessary and elaborate on ones that need more time. This summer, I struggled with looking down at my clipboard too much, but I do not have that problem anymore. I can show parts of the transparency, and ask questions and have students tell me what to write. It works pretty well. Sometimes kids come to the board to work an example out, just depending on what I feel they need and their interest in the lesson.

Another major change from this summer is the fact that I have 3 preps, that are all very different from each other: Algebra II, Physics, and Trig. Unfortunately, sometimes I don't plan as well for physics or trig as I do for Alg. II, simply because I know I HAVE to for Algebra II since I have more classroom management problems in those classes. Trig especially has suffered from this, as it has happened before that I haven't reviewed the material enough to teach it effectively. I am learning and struggling, and sometimes I've got it all together, and sometimes I just don't.

But I don't know what I would do...
without my overhead.

Pacing (self-selected oct. blog)

2005-11-03T23:29:00.000-08:00

I keep changing the way I teach. First I was just using the white board, now I almost always use the overhead. Then I had pretty strict lessons...I had a timeline, and I wasn't about to let my students make me go slower. Now, I'm letting my students guide me more. If they had problems with the homework, we review that material longer. If they thought it was easy, we move on to something new.

I have such a huge discrepancy in the ability of my students. I have a few who really should be pushed so much more...they're bored, they make the other students feel dumb, etc. Then others are just taking the notes and not understanding anything they're writing. How are you supposed to teach to all of these students at the same time? Even if I let them guide my teaching, how will I decide my pace for the slower and faster students?

I am trying, and goodness knows I'll keep trying. I had a student the other day re-taking a test ask me, "Don't you get tired of us?" In response I said, "No, not yet." I care so much for my kids, too much sometimes, and I just want the most possible to get as much as possible. I'm still struggling to figure out how to do this.

The small successess

2005-11-01T23:15:00.000-08:00

Before my last test, I had a handful of girls who really wanted to do better (knowing they had failed the previous semester, or just barely passed). I scheduled some after-school tutorials (in place of my normal ACT tutorials) for Algebra II, and they actually came and did math for a full hour and a half 2 different days. Now keep in mind these are students who really should not be in Algebra II...I have no idea how they passed Algebra I two years ago. They don't have the basic skills, such as solving equations or performing operations with negative numbers...so I was worried how to even start trying to catch them up enough to pass my test. But I did what I could in that hour and half, and it showed on their tests. All of them (with a little help on my part) passed my test, and I could see a great deal of improvement in their skills, classroom participation, effort, etc.

I believe it is the little triumphs that really count...a student that takes notes who has never had a notebook before, a student that is paying attention and asking questions that is normally asleep, a student that does his homework who usually doesn't, a student who asks questions when she's confused instead of just staying quietly in the dark...we can't teach them all everything, but we can teach everyone something. They just need to find something they can do well to gain a little confidence.

Overhead deductivating

2005-09-28T14:56:00.000-07:00

In the perfect world that had perfect students who all came to school every day with the desire to learn for the sake of learning, who worked hard not to compete with others or to make good grades to get into colleges, but instead to further their intellectual capacity, where the teachers could always be 10 steps ahead of the students with perfect lesson plans for the students who were all on the same ability level...then using inductive strategies would be the only way to teach. At HCHS, however, this of course isn't the case. Don't get me wrong, there are definitely students who really do love doing mathematical problems and enjoy thinking about the world in a mathematical way...but this is certainly not the majority. Too many of the students are too far behind to be able to inductively reason laws or rules or methods...it's discouraging and sad and I don't always teach the way I want to teach, but I do the best I can.

In my classroom, I have to admit I mostly lecture, however I do constantly ask questions. I have learned to use the overhead (finally!) and I do it in such a way that I don't give it all away at once. Nothing makes me more more bored than for students to simply copy notes and not say a word...I ask them questions and get them to think and attempt to answer before revealing the correct rule, method, or law. And oftentimes, they get it, or at least partially get it. And I work with whatever they give me. I can tell they enjoy class more when they get to think for themselves and use their own prior knowledge (although much of what I teach they should have already been taught...it makes me wonder about how truly effective "I Can" labs are for Algebra I). It makes them have a little more ownership of the class, gives them a little more confidence and motivation to go farther...

A classroom where the teacher simply has notes, talks, and students copy, or even worse one where students are just given worksheets to complete with no classroom interaction, is not effective, relaxed, or pleasant (although I admit it is work-oriented, one of the 3 main goals of an effective classroom, but who would want to work if it's boring and unpleasant?). Inductive reasoning is a beautiful thing, and I would like to try to incorporate it more in my classroom. However, because I am a first year teacher and am still in many ways just-making-it, I often stick to what's easiest and seems to (usually) be pretty effective with my students--deductive teaching with constant discussion.

I am not a "math" person

2005-09-26T15:25:00.000-07:00

Yet I'm teaching math! How does that work?

One of my students came in today and said, "You must love math," probably because I had a long "Do Now" on the overhead that he didn't want to do. I also get lots of comments about how I'm a work-a-holic and how I have so much energy. Yet, my passion really isn't in math or physics Yes, I do enjoy it, and yes, I do like the theory behind it, but I do not get excited when I get a critical thinking problem to solve (such as many we've had in EDSE 645) nor do I try to figure out how things work (from more of a physics perspective).

I declared my physics major way late, later than I was actually supposed to. I was almost a religious studies major...and my last 2 years were unpleasantly filled with too many physics courses. I liked physics cuz it made me think, and it challenged me more than anything I had ever taken. But I am certainly not passionate about it. I enjoyed some of my classes, I loved my professor (for the most part) but it's not where my main interests lie.

So here I am teaching high school math and physics, and loving it. Why? And how do I get energized to teach? I like the more elementary math and physics, and I enjoy teaching it to others. More than anything, I love the students. Even though they also drive me insane daily, this is where I draw my energy from. I love their humor, their energy, their immaturity, and the fact that they are (mostly) trying to make it. I love that I am there to serve as an unstated positive role model. I love their funny ways of saying things and their dancing and excitement to see me outside of school. I know when I've had a good class when the students are interested, working, interacting, and we are all happy to be there. We feed off of each other.

I suppose I'm more of anthropologist than a physicist, and isn't that what teachers are called to be?

classroom management

2005-08-31T11:00:00.000-07:00

I tried to follow everyone's advice: to be clear and strict about my rules and consequences from the very beginning, and actually implement them. My consequences run as follows:
1) warning
2) discipline sheet, due tomorrow (I can add more that same day if they so desire)
3) detention (for no or incomplete discipline sheet)
4) call home
5) office referral

As of yet, I have only given 2 discipline sheets, no detentions, and no office referrals. I should have given more discipline sheets, but overall, my classes are pretty well-behaved.

I have realized I really do not enjoy disciplining, and I have to usually force myself to (but not with my 5th period). I give lots of warnings, and not enough discipline sheets. I know that my students know that I don't like to discipline, but they also know that I care. I have learned many things to do to manage my classroom that are not actually outlined on my plan, and are more effective for my personality type.
-I constantly call on students, usually the ones who aren't paying attention, who have heads down, or saying a comment to a friend. And this always gets them back on track (they hate being embarrassed in front of their friends by not knowing the answer).
-I use proximity a lot. As soon as I walk near a student, they start working (or at least look like they are).
-I always try to be polite, saying, "please" and "thank you" whenever possible. (ex: thank you for being quiet, please raise your hand next time to sharpen your pencil...etc.)
-I talk to them quietly in class (so noone else can hear), or call them over after class, to tell them not to do whatever they are doing wrong. Usually, they shyly smile and say "yes ma'am" and the problem decreases (although it doesn't always completely go away).

Just like fellow teacher corps peers told me this summer, I am a very "motherly" teacher. My students know I care, and I show it constantly, and I think this is the best way for me to get them to work, more so than constant discipline. I do discipline, and I must admit, I need to more. But at the same time, I do not enjoy doing it, and it makes me not want to teach. And more than anything, with minor disruptive talking or not, I need to enjoy what I'm doing every day.

Fifth period is still my biggest challenge, and I am hardest on them (and of course the discipline sheets have only been given in this class). I spend far too much time getting on to the same people to be quiet, and it's not fair to the other students who are wanting to learn. 3rd period is the quietest, and (without surprise) they have gotten farther than my other algebra II classes. Why they are the quietest, I'm not sure, and when they do talk, it's about the examples I'm having them work out and they are competing against each other to get the right answers. I'll have to think about anything else I do differently in this class...

So in a nutshell I...
1) need to follow through with my consequences more often,
2) be very aware of my students, rowdy and quiet ones (I have just noticed recently that some of my quietest students are struggling more than I thought),
3) start a rewards system (I meant to do this a while ago), and
3) continue to use my image as a young, energetic, motherly, organized teacher to motivate my students to want to work and not goof off. I can tell when I get on to my students, they actually feel bad. But I know I need to be careful, and that's when those discipline sheets and detentions will come in handy.

clone of the math teacher

2005-08-27T12:11:00.000-07:00

My highschool AP-Cal teacher was probably my best math teacher...although I hate to admit it now. She was also the most anal, and had an annoying voice, and let her religious ideas be known in her class, but my, did she gear us up for the AP test. All of our work that we turned in had to be just so, with ALL of the steps clearly shown, with our notebook with the exact right sections with exactly the right things in each section, etc. But she pushed us to do as well as she knew that all of us could. In a nutshell, here are the characteristics that made her rock as a teacher (although not necessarily as a person) :

-VERY organized
-energetic and passionate
-positive attitude towards learning
-challenging and demanding
-thorough in explanations
-focused (didn't ever got off-topic)
-rigorous course work (those take-home tests just about killed all of us)

Although I definitely admire and use some of these characteristics in my own teaching (or attempt to) I would never, and could never, be exactly like her. I am not as detached from my students as she was, and I don't want to be. I don't want to be "friends" with my students, but I do want them to see me as a person who cares. I have definitely stolen some of her ideas, including her notebook quizzes that forced us, and now my students, to keep an organized and up-to-date notebook.

And now for some reason...I can't remember her name. It's driving me crazy!

another one at humphrey's

2005-07-23T20:35:00.000-07:00

Today I took my first load to my new house. It is absolutely beautiful, with the best from the old and new: hardwood floors; 3 bedrooms; newly renovated kitchen complete with a new stove, cabinets, dishwasher, and a pot rack; central air and heating. This will be my first home away from home besides the dorm, and I must say it's better than anything I could ever afford in Jackson, much less Memphis.

So Brooke and I have planned on rooming together for a while. I spent my last half of my senior year at her apartment. I got tired of the dorm life, the caf' food, and my messy roommate. Brooke and I were already best friends, and we discovered tons of common interests in food, cats, cooking food, music, talking about food, movies, going out to eat ethnic food, taking walks, collecting recipes on food, you get the idea...so when we found our house with an amazing kitchen, we had to wait for the realtor to turn around so he wouldn't see us jumping for joy.

So the plan was for Brooke to commute to her law firm in Jackson, and I'd commute to Belzoni. Then she tossed around the possibility of taking the Spanish teacher position at Humphrey's, but realizing she hadn't taken the praxis II, she decided to stay at the firm. But now, after realizing again how boring work was (and although she wouldn't admit it, how her abilities and gifts could be so much more useful in other vocations), she reconsidered. Adding to that the fact that our vice principal couldn't find another spanish teacher to fill the position (meaning spanish might be not be offered) Brooke is now trying to get an emergency license to teach at Humphrey's. The vice principal and superintendent enthusiastically support her, and hopefully the school board will as well.

So there may be another at Humphrey's...someone who knows more about the Delta than any of us because she grew up there. She has seen how it has permanently changed the way her family thinks and acts (both for the good and bad). She has had to work past false realities imposed on her by friends and family that somehow she was able to always see through (including, of course, racist views). She was has seen the effects the poor educational system can have on children, including her younger brother. Yet, her love for the Delta has never faltered. Just today I was talking to her about some of the problems in the Delta we have discussed recently in MTC. She vehemently opposed the idea that these problems were restricted to just the Delta and it was unfair to single that area out (which of course, she was right). She knows there are problems, but just as Dr. Mullins feels, she loves it enough to find the good and hope to change the bad.

Clearly, she was cut out to be a teacher.

So I hope that at Humphrey's there will be Tiffany, Anderson, Meredith, moi, and Brooke. I know other MTC members and teachers have struggled there in the past. Staplers have been thrown. We know there is disorganization and a lack of discipline in the administration. All schools have their problems. I know all of us will help and support one another. I know it will be hard, and one more caring teacher will definitely help.

lesson planning woes

2005-07-20T20:10:00.000-07:00

So the other night I had a kind of freaking out episode. I had finished my lesson plan, I believe my last or second to last one for the team teaching, and I realized (once again) it took me WAY too long to do. More than once the evaluators (or as Ben fondly calls the TEAM members) commented on my extensive, organized lesson plans. Well, with good reason. I am not going to admit how long I actually spent on these lesson plans...but let's just say longer than I will have time for in the fall. So what was I worrying about? I couldn't comprehend how I was going to be able to do this in the fall, for 3 different classes (I know it doesn't compare to Reg having to prep for 5 different math/physics classes). I CANNOT spend nearly as long lesson planning. I wouldn't sleep if I did. So what will I do?

Well, of course, by morning I was looking at this problem in a much more positive light. And it was comforting to hear a veteran, Ms. Logan, admit that her first year of teaching she was up til 3am every night so she could reteach herself the material, lesson plan, and be ready to have the air of complete authority and expertise while teaching her classes that same (very long) day.

So I know it's going to be hard. I know not even the perfect lesson plan will go completely as (for lack of a better word) planned. I know I won't get as much sleep at first, and I will have to review material I haven't seen in 4 years before I can even think of trying to teach it. But it'll get easier. I'll get a feel for my class, my students, my school, my style. This might be a poor analogy, but when I first started serving (the politically correct term for "waitressing") I was scared to death. How stupid huh? But I was. That restaurant prided itself on very efficient, speedy, genuine service (we got in trouble if the glasses got more than half empty or if appetizers weren't out in less than 4 min.). The restaurant I was working for had an awesome extensive training program that took 5 (not consecutive) days to complete. In the end, I absolutely loved serving. For one thing, I love food (hence the change of my blog title) and I love recommending and serving good food for others to enjoy. But more importantly, I enjoyed giving others an enjoyable experience. I seriously was terrified at first, but once I dug into it, I loved it.

I really think (and hope) teaching will be similar to this experience. Of course, it is MUCH more rewarding, and also with a much graver responsibility. But as far as personal struggles go, I think it's one in the same for me. I was painfully shy when I was little, and I still hate public speaking. I enjoy writing, but it takes me a long time to write research papers because I have a hard time deciding what I do and do not want to include. In teaching, I've gotta be confident at all times, even if I don't feel like it. I've gotta limit my lesson plan and not always make it a work of art. I have to realize the practicalities and not make teaching about me, but about the students I am trying to teach about math, physics, and life.

go eudora

2005-07-17T12:51:00.000-07:00

It really is so strange to watch myself teach.

I have definitely improved since viewing my student teaching video. I have more confidence, more control, more awareness of my students. I am much clearer about exactly what I say (word choice, directions, responses to questions). But in essence, I am still the same. And this is reassuring, because I am still me. I'm just up there teaching, pretending to be and feel much older and in control than I really am or feel. I don't think I can ever completely "perform" and not be me. And I never want to. That would suck all my enjoyment out of teaching.

As a quick side-note: To change things up a bit, and to start getting used to memorizing names, I changed each person's name in the group but kept the same initials. Torsheta=Tina Binomial, Aaron=Arnold Tangent, Meredith=Margarite Hyperbola, Reg=Roy Quadratic, Jess=Jasmine Wholenumber

Some Somewhat Surprising Observations:
1. I smile a heck of a lot. All the time. I didn't realize I smiled that much. I'm not sure if that is a good or a bad thing. I smile when I'm trying to be patient while I wait for a "student" to answer. I smile as soon as I start class and say, "Good morning!" I smile when "Arnold" or "Margarite" responds with a much more intelligent and thoughtful answer than a typical high-schooler ever would. I smile when "Tina" is looking down trying to avoid being called on (and then of course, I call on her).

2. I have a southern accent. I knew this, of course, but I didn't know it was that bad, or that it came out with certain words. I can't decide if it's endearing, or just plain annoying.

3. I use my hands and arms a lot. I actually was happy about seeing this because I thought when I used my hands/arms, it emphasized my point or was a visual aid to my lesson. It wasn't distracting. Yet, I gotta admit: every once in a while I can be Vanna-White-ish. Ugh.

4. I say, "Right?" a lot. Too much. And for this particular lesson, since it was supposed to be review from Algebra (and the 3 years of math before that...) I kept saying "It's pretty easy." Probably neither phrase is helpful nor particularly motivating.

5. My intonation often rises at the ends of my sentences. Again, is this annoying, or do I sound optimistic and cheerful?

Some Stuff I Already Knew (the video didn't lie):
1. I am very awkward with the overhead. I turn the thing on before I cover the transparency (exposing all the material and losing the possibility of students motivated by anticipation). I had a hard time focusing it, and should have enlarged it more on the board. It got in my way. Luckily, this is something that will become easy in a short time.

2. I need to be more patient, and give students time to answer, and also wait for volunteers before calling on students. Sometimes I get too excited, and I know what they are in the process of telling me, and finish writing their response before they finish telling it to me.

3. Going along with this too excited/nervous notion, I can at times talk too fast. Gotta slow it down, but still stay upbeat.

4. I need to stop talking to the board and the overhead. I need to master the write-side-ways-and-still-look-at-class movement. Easier said than done.

I have learned more this week about my teaching than I have during my entire student-teaching experience. Ms. Monroe's class taught me the basics and the theory, student teaching taught me ways to deal with REAL students and teachers (who do not share the same teaching philosophy), and teaching to peers has taught me that:
1) I need better time management. (Jess knows this better than anyone.)
2) It is impossible for evaluators to be completely objective, but constcutive critisism is always helpful.
3) I love Meredith, Jess, Torsheta, Aaron, and Reg. We have become a wonderful supporting group.
4) I love to teach, and I can actually do it. It's hard, it's time-consuming, it's frustrating, and classroom management will add a whole other level. I can't wait.

worksheets

2005-06-28T19:18:00.000-07:00

I don't think I was able to reap the full benefits from student teaching. Unlike many of my fellow MTC classmates who were in the high school, I never taught longer than an hour lesson. The day's routine in our class centered around one thing - worksheets. and more worksheets. and getting behind in worksheets and trying to catch up. and finishing all the worksheets and having nothing else to do but draw or read comic books. and then the next day, more worksheets. and getting back graded and marked worksheets, and having to correct them. and correct them again. clearly, this was not the best assessment tool, but the one our teacher chose.

I do not completely blame our teacher. She is a veteran (has taught for 20 plus years) and the 8 students in her summer school 7th grade math class had already been in her class the entire past school year. In her eyes, it was their fault they didn't turn in their homework, study, stay awake in her class, and they ended up in summer school where she was not about to reteach everything she had already taught for the past 9 months. So giving out worksheets was her way of assessing them, without teaching anymore.

And that's where Ruth, Lee, and I came in. I suppose might have actually worked better because she wasn't going to teach, so we could teach on anything we saw fit, especially on the material that they were struggling on. But at the same time, we never could teach long, because we didn't want the students who were already behind in their worksheets to get even further behind because we were teaching on material that they hadn't even gotten to yet (although others had long been done with the material that we were teaching). We got to teach, make lesson plans, try different instructional strategies, and all the things a teacher does, but never with any genuine feeling of ownership of the class. We were somewhere between visitors and teachers...more tutors than instructors, that got to each spend a day doing a half hour to an hour lesson, then spend the remainder of the day in silence, while the students worked on worksheets and we sat on the side, reading Wong and Wong or working on the next day's lesson, with the occasional (and sometimes constant, depending on the worksheet and the student's ability and confidence level) student coming by to ask for help, or raising their hand so we could guide them to the right answer.

And what was the most maddening thing about these pesky worksheets? The students were working diligently, the teacher was taking them up, grading them, the kids were correcting them...and for what? To keep them busy. Our teacher informed us that as long as they were doing the worksheets and turning them in, then that was fine. The kids weren't required to make a certain grade and didn't have to turn a definite amount in. They were just supposed to be working hard. Not much of an assessment...but if they were actually learning it when doing all the worksheets, then it would be okay...but were they?

We were rewarded with the knowledge that we did do some good. On the last day of student teaching, I was being friendly, in a friend, not teacher, sorta way (what did I have to lose?) I was just asking what their summer plans were, and, more importantly, if they had learned anything in summer school. As a pleasant surprise, for those that I asked, every single one of them not only responded in the positive, but with an enthusiastic "Yes!" Of course I loved this.

Still, I can't take too much credit for this. I don't think it's that we were amazing teachers, but more that we were caring. we were new and fresh and ready to prove ourselves and improve the lives of students...and also it's that these students have had too many teachers who either haven't taught effectively, or, more likely, didn't care enough about them to give them confidence to work hard...in this one way-that we haven't gotten into bad habits and have given up on trying to teach-we have an advantage as new teachers.

I completely agree with Ms. Kuhnau: the moment I don't enjoy being a teacher is when I need to stop teaching. Students deserve more than just someone who's teaching just because for the paycheck, or because they've been doing it forever. They deserve to have someone who is engaging, enthusiastic, interesting, caring, fun...I've learned much from student teaching, including a lot of what I should not do. I've also felt the great joy when someone actually gets it, after, perhaps for the first time, they are told that they can do it.

a group version of cold calling

2005-06-25T17:32:00.000-07:00

I sorta did a variation on the "cold calling" a week ago in student teaching, but for cooperative learning. It was after one of our afternoon class's where we had discussed ways to group people, and I was going to do a group activity...but we didn't quite have time for the activity...but I'll get to that shortly. So when the students came in, they drew an uno card from me. I had # 1-4 in 2 different colors, and there was a blue and green group. I assigned a task for each group (which would have worked nicely) but during the lesson I ended up using the numbers even more than I thought. I gave each group different problems to work on together, and I gave them directions: only #2's could ask me questions, after the students had done their problems, the #3's read the problem, and #4's did the problem at the board. For the next problem, the jobs rotated (so the #1's were included). I had this fun project to do later after snack time, about doing a scale drawing of the entire room (I had come prepared with yard sticks, measuring tape, poster board, and markers) but the other lesson, on how to set up proportions from word problems and how to do scale drawings, ended up taking much longer than I had anticipated. Hence, I learned a few things from this experience:
-After you give the uno cards, or whatever "fun" object you might use to randomly group the students, take them up. They had a little too much switching them with their buddies (trying to change their numbers and groups), and an uno card just begs to be played with...oh, but before you take them up, get them to write their number in their notebooks or on their worksheets.
-If you're teaching math, and you are doing word problems, plan for it to take longer than you think...it's not that the students can't do it, but it's the initial intimidation of seeing the numbers imbedded in words that always gives them a sense that they can't do it.
-Be flexible. I'm sure we have all had to readjust our lesson plans, so I won't elaborate.
So all in all, I think it worked quite well. More time learning since none was wasted on "so who's gonna explain the problem?"

good job

2005-06-23T04:45:00.000-07:00

I had my formal evaluation yesterday. It was a creative lesson, one that I found on the internet but tweaked a bit. Here's basically what I asked the students (obviously there was more to it, but I'm stripping it to its bare bones):

1) Is love a positive or negative thing? Is hate a positive or negative thing?
2) If you love to love, then you ________? (love or hate)
If you hate to hate, then you________?
If you love to hate, then you ________?
If you love to hate, then you ________?
3) Using this analogy, and knowing love= (+) and hate = (-), what are the rules for multiplying integers?

Pretty cool eh? I thought so anyway, and the students actually got it...the problem was that many still need to work on their multiplication facts, so even though they knew -8 x -8 was a positive number, some didn't know it was a + 64. But so are the challenges of teaching...

I watched the video last night, and I must say, and I knew this even while I was teaching, I WAS NOT MYSELF. I was much too aware of my evaluator, and I tried to follow the lesson plan too closely to make sure I didn't leave anything out. I believe I overplanned. I shouldn't sacrifice my own personality just to fit a prescribed format, and that is not the point of a lesson plan anyway. I will try to think of it as I always had before, as an outline of my lesson, not as a script.

Let me discuss some specific weaknesses:
1) Looked down too much at the lesson plan (or held onto it for that matter, even "pointing" with it). This made me look unsure of myself. However, I don't usually do this, but it was an added action directly correlated to knowing I needed to say the words "The objective is..."
2) Turned back to class when writing on the board.
3) I wasn't decisive or confident enough. (As I was watching the video, I wanted to say "Stand up taller! Project that voice more! Get those bangs out of your face!)
4) Gave unclear directions (when doing examples and problems on the board).
5) Said "good job" for every praise. Need to find other words, and say the students names more often in the praise...and when possible, be specific.
6) I should have given time for students to volunteer answers before calling on them...and then time again to answer after I call on them (thanks to Dr. Sullivan for this advice ;)
7) Should have walked around class a bit more, especially to those in back (I should have taken more time in how the desks were arranged, but I was a bit rushed right before Dr. Sullivan got there because I was helping a student on a problem).

And a few strengths:
1) Related well to students...I smiled, used hand gestures, made good eye contact.
2) In other words, I had a positive attitude, woo woo. (can this be counted as a #2? I'm stretching it huh...)
3) I did check for understanding, and I reinforced my lesson by coming back to the analogy if students made mistakes or had questions. Although, I could have improved this as well.
4) Reviewed past rules within lesson (for ex: 0 times any number, even 10 apples, is what?)
5) I found the good in the students' answers, in order to not embarrass them in front of their peers, and to encourage them that they can do this (such as telling one student that "Yes, you are right that it's a positive integer, but you just didn't multiply correctly.")

I really think what bothers me the most is I know I could have done better. It was a fun lesson, but I was so wrapped up in doing the lesson so-called "right" that I wasn't as energetic, engaging, or involved with the students as I could and should have been. Yet, I've seen and heard (from Dr. Sullivan) what I did well and what needs improvement. I definitely think the evaluation was worthwhile...even if it's horrible having to watch yourself on video saying "good job" 100 times.

Mr. Rubinstein

2005-06-20T17:56:00.000-07:00

I sure wish I had written this blog right after I had read the book Reluctant Disciplinarian. I was intrigued, enlightened, excited (unlike Jess ;) and just had so many ideas...how I would teach, how I would learn from Mr.Rubinstein, not fall into his traps, swerve past the mistakes of past teachers, and end up with my own well-behaved, well-managed classroom.

Now that I have heard more from other teachers and read more, coming from all different directions, from smiling and bouncing down the halls with friendly greetings, to not smiling til December, I have realized that we really do have to take everything we hear with a grain of salt. And you really do hear MANY things over and over again. Perhaps it is these things that I should really listen to...

So the RD, as I will shorten it, was a very pleasant, funny, and still worthwhile read. I jotted down some notes in student teaching today of what struck me the most, either through humor, or something important to remember for my soon-to-be-teaching days:

-Learn from mistakes, myself and others included (ex: when writing names on the board, keep it in one place...Gary had problems with names drifting across the board as he was teaching)
-Detention is not the end-all answer. (the teacher is often stuck after school in charge of it)
-Be decisive and direct when giving directions and answering questions, even if you really aren't sure. (something I need to work on)
-What works: teacher look, start off with tried and true traditional methods, test new ideas very critically.
-"Always speak as though you expect students to do what you ask, and allow them room to do it" (p.84). This helps avoid unnecessary confrontation, and will model respect for others.
-Develop a teaching persona (I've realized I'm not as super nice as I thought...what kind of teacher will I be?)
-Like your students: if they drive me crazy, try to see them in another light- talk to them outside of class about their interests (in a friendly manner, but not just as a friend) and try to visualize them as someone's child...however much I think it's true, his/her sole purpose in life is not to make mine harder.

And there you have it. I need to find my own style, and I'm sure this won't come until after I have taught for a while.

And on a side note, I must say that everyone in this program is genuinely caring and interested in each other...when I got back from Memphis yesterday, no one was bombarding me with crazy stories from the weekend or things concerning them, but instead the Stewart ladies asked, "How was your trip?" "What did the doctor say?" (I went to the doctor to get my leg checked out. turns out I pretty much have a stress fracture, so no running for a while) and "We missed you!" It made me feel like I was cared about...what a great group eh?

Restless dreams

2005-06-15T07:01:00.000-07:00

I just could not get to sleep last night...

First: as all the gals in Stewart know, we had a "flood" last night in the hallway (possibly due to the air conditioner). The pool of water slowly crept down the hall, and then we heard a knock from a maintenance worker, "You might wanna put a towel down." Well, we did- towels and rugs and dirty clothes that we could find to try to block the water flow-but of course to no avail. Now, this was not a high pool of water, but it was dirty and with a brownish tint (from dirt, hopefully...) but it spread over the majority of our floor. I will say that the maintenance men were super nice, and did everything they could to fix the problem (coming by later to suck up and mop the standing water, apologizing for the inconvenience). Of course all of this involved loud electrical appliances, laughing and shrieking girls, and men's voices discussing the situation...so of course we did not get to sleep early (especially since we did a load of laundry of all of our sopping wet items). And just the other day Jess and I were discussing how glad we were to be on this side of the hallway, closest to the bathroom, the stairs, and the flood...but thank goodness it was our room (and Ruth's and Amy's) that got it, cuz no one "freaked out" annoyingly.

Second: I for some reason decided to look at the Humphrey's County Handbook right before I went to bed. Reading about the many laws, rules and regulations (involving conduct, absenteeism, tardies, parent-teacher conferences) made me uneasy to think of the awesome responsibility I will be taking on in the fall. I think being so involved with student teaching has made me temporarily forget what I will actually be doing in the fall...and this (which is good of course) brought me back to the reality of the situation.

Third: I kept thinking about the lesson plan I would do Friday. For some reason in that state of almost-sleep, it seemed extremely pertinent...but I did think of some good ideas (anyone have an extra measuring tape?)

Last night I remember dreaming about my brother, Aaron. In the dream, he had showed up in Oxford unexpectedly (along with some cats and frogs, don't ask...dreams don't always make sense), and I was just so happy to see him, we hugged and I walked with him arm in arm (something I admit we never do ) I never realized how much of a profound influence he has been on me until college...and I am just so proud and it makes me feel good to think and talk about him. He is at SCAD now (Savannah College of Art and Design) in grad film school, and is working on his thesis (a film), and helping many friends with their theses. He is an amazing, kind, creative, intelligent, and very sensitive human being (as in he is very sensitive to others, can read them, can feel them...). He wants to write and direct films...not to make oodles of money or for fame, but to give back, to do something for this world, because for him "film is the most powerful art form." Really, if I needed help with homework, I preferred him over my parents, because he always knew the material, but more importantly, he was patient, encouraging, and honestly interested in helping me. He would make a phenomenal teacher... Okay enough of sentimental thoughts...

triangles and sponges

2005-06-08T21:44:00.000-07:00

I had my first real lesson 3 days ago, on triangles, objectives on the board and all. Writing those does not come naturally at all, and I think I will probably never actually write "TSW" on the board...I remember in 2nd grade, or around then, having to write the objectives down in our little notebooks, and thinking it was absolutely pointless. I keep recalling back to such experiences as a student, when strategy or ethical questions come up, especially in our afternoon class. For instance (in regards to not allowing students spend "free" time doing other classes' work) I have to say when I was in high school, I was always thankful when I got free time to work on homework or study for another class. It seemed like there was never enough time, and even a few minutes here or there could catch me up or get me ahead, knowing I might be at a 5 hour band/colorguard practice that afternoon (yes, I was a band nerd, saber captain in fact, and proud of it :). It certainly depends on what type of students are in the class, and I was usually in the honors classes with the "good" kids, so I'm sure we had more freedom. But what about that guy who's working from 3 til midnight after a full day of school to help his single mother get by, and just doesn't have time, or energy, to do his homework? What about the over-achieving student who needs a few minutes after she's done with my class's work to prepare for a test next period? Of course, the first example is more compelling, but you get the idea.

Going back to the lesson...now that we've been studying different learning strategies, I realize that it was more of an inductive lesson than deductive. I'm surprised that I accidentally did that, but I think I was just trying to get them to figure it out for themselves...which of course is the whole point. I won't go into great detail (since I explained it in class the other day) but I would rather share what happened yesterday in class. Ruth has joined Lee and I, and I must admit she has added a warm and friendly dynamic that was not there before. Lee is a bit more serious and methodical, Ruth is more spontaneous and witty, and I guess I'm somewhere in the middle, and she's loosening me up and allowing me to find more enjoyment in the whole experience. I honestly think it'll work out quite well since we've decided to help each other, but at the same time alternate teaching every 3 days so we have independent practice. So yesterday we were (again) going over solving for simple unknown variables. I had the idea of doing a "human equation," I suppose for the kinesthetic learners (not intentional I must admit, but I think it just follows from natural instinct...you want them to learn, whatever method you've gotta use), so Lee was the = sign, and we added/subtracted students, made them an "x", and solved for it. It went quite well, and the kids had a good time, and I think it at least helped enrich the understanding of a few... I hope...

So today, we had another interesting class. Ruth did her lesson, which went well (she can be a little snappy sometimes...or perhaps I'm just not strict enough) which was only 20 min., so the students worked on worksheets. We were all getting bored..."teachers" and students, so after the break (students with mountain dews, doritos, and slim jim's in hand) I attempted to teach a sort of make-shift lesson on divisibility rules, square roots, and LCM (least common multiple). I had gone through the book and took notes before hand, and it went pretty well...until we had to backtrack because Elizabeth (unassuming and vocal, but with very little confidence in math...she repeatedly calls herself stupid, in a halfway joking manner) did not know what a square root was...
"What does that sign mean? Does that meet it's an angle? Does that mean we subtract?"
Now how do you explain a square root? I was caught a bit off guard. Luckily, another student teacher from TMI spoke up, and said it's doing the opposite of squaring...so I expanded on that and eventually got to...
"Now Elizabeth, what times what is 36?"
"I don't know..."
"What is 6x6?"
"I don't know, " and with that, she took out her calculator...

I've gotta say, I'm so glad I'm getting a taste of this before this fall, of the huge division between those getting it, and those who just don't, even just within a class of 8 students in a month long summer school with too many teachers with too many ideas. (the teacher to student ratio is ridiculously large in our class, 7:8!...and no, that's not a factorial...ugh, math humor...) Every day I'm learning more, and it's usually at the times when I am not expecting to. As Brian and I both decided, we're just gonna be "sponges" while we're here, cuz I know we won't get it all, and I won't agree with all I hear or am being taught, but I'll soak in as much as I can.

the end of the icebreakers

2005-06-05T19:18:00.000-07:00

It's been a week, and we are finally getting past the "where are you from" and "what school are you placed at" questions. It's always strange when you are first getting to know people that you know will eventually become good friends. You just can't skip that introductory part...but it has been a great week. It really is amazing how diverse we are, and how we really do somehow have a few important things in common. Everyone has such amazing achievements. I'm looking forwad to really getting to know people, moodiness, politics and all.

My biggest complaints thus far? 1) Not enough sleep...I've gone to bed too late, and have gotten up too early (thanks to Jess, but heck, I honestly do like getting up at 5:30 am) 2) I wish I could run but this calf injury won't go away; 3) the 3 hour class in the afternoon is right when I get the most tired. I don't believe in naps anyway, and I know a lot of what I'll learn in there is gonna help, and of course Ann will make it highly entertaining :)

I still have many worries about teaching. I have always been nervous about speaking in public. Even standing up at the pizza social to introduce myself made my heart race, even though I didn't realize it until I sat down. I don't have a dominating presence, and I've never been much of a disciplinarian (let's just say kids I babysat for loved me). Yet, student teaching is going okay, and once we get more of a schedule, it'll be even better. Our teacher basically passes out worksheets for the students to work on and turn in, requiring them to make a high enough score before moving on. I don't think she had counted on reteaching much, but that might actually be a blessing. When Lee and I approached her to see if we could do more than just tutor, as we did the first day, she was more than happy for us to teach parts of the day. She's been at this for 30 years...one of the students came up and asked on their way out, "why won't you stay here and teach? All the teachers here are old and mean." I guess we're young and nice then.